Mission to the Outside
by A.Pyro
Summary: Naruto HP Crossover. Naruto and Sasuke, two ANBU captains, are sent on an assassination mission all the way in the Outside. What could go wrong with such a simple mission? Everything. Set in HP Fifth Year. No pairings. More crack than fic.
1. An Interesting Proposition

**A/N: **I've decided to try a new story, since I have no more ideas for my other.As for any semi-important things worth knowing, Sasuke has been dragged back, and has even completed his due punishment. They are 17, and those in ANBU have been there for two years.

The usual disclaimer applies.

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language.

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters.

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

* * *

**An Interesting Proposition**

* * *

Ominous thunder rolled throughout the village. The Godaime Hokage jerked up, startled out of her slumber. "What odd weather for early August…" She mused aloud. The sudden downpour hit her window like thousands of kunai. She didn't even blink this time.

Looking down at her desk, she finds a letter she didn't recall being there when she nodded off. Tsunade opens the letter, wondering who could have sent it.

_Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure,_

_I have a request for two of your warriors _(she gave a rather unladylike snort at that) _to be used for a political assassination. My master is rising up in out legal system, and his opponent only wishes to end our current way of life. It would be a favorable outcome if his opponent were to suddenly disappear. _

_If you are willing to here me out, simply burn this letter, and I will apparate (_what a funny word) _to your location to discuss the details. _

_Money is of no concern._

_Yours truly,_

_Lucius Malfoy_

Looking at the short letter with wide eyes, she quickly performed the need hand signs and burned the letter to a pile of ashes. It sounded rather simple, just assassinate one person. From the way the neat print became more flustered around the sparing mission outline, she could guess that this Malfoy was at his wits end trying to find a way to eliminate the other man. This meant that she could charge him unreasonably for the mission.

Not a minute had passed before a loud **crack! **was heard, and a tall man with hair befitting of a Yamanaka was standing in front of Tsunade's desk.

"What the--?!" She screamed, jumping out of her chair.

The man, Lucius, she presumed, merely smirked with an air of arrogance before replying in a snide voice, "Apparation, a simple task for any adept wizard."

A small vein ticked on Tsunade's head.

"What do you want here, _civilian_?" She growled, spitting the word out like it was contaminated.

Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "I don't like the sound of your voice, _muggle_." He spat back with equal contempt, his hand itching toward a long stick in the pockets of his ridiculous robes.

The Hokage herself was fingering a few shuriken on her desk; debating if this man's skull was thick enough to protect his miniscule brain from puncture wounds. "Funny, I was also of the opinion that your voice sounded quite whiney, and it is beginning to hurt my ears."

The man growled and drew his stick, pointing it a Tsunade and starting to say "Cr-" However, Tsunade was quicker and dispatched a singled shuriken, lodging the stick against the wall in less time than it took to blink.

"Give me one reason not to throw you out of here right now, punk!" She demanded of the now quivering adult, shaking her fist.

She laughed mentally as the man tried to regain his composure, failing miserably. This man was a coward. Just a pathetic coward. It was obvious that if any one showed the slightest bit of being more powerful than him in any way, he would crumble like an old pastry.

"My deepest apologies, Hokage-sama, I forget my place." He murmured, bowing low.

"One more mistake and you'll be apologizing to the fish." She threatened, still glaring at him. It almost sickened her, how quick he was to try to get on her good side. Too late for that.

"I understand, however, now we must begin business, my master will not be pleased if this is not done quickly." was the reply. He took the seat offered and pulled out another letter. "As I mentioned before, money is of no object, and what I have with me is a tenth of what will be offered upon the completion of the job."

Trying to change the subject now, Tsunade noted with disgust. No, she couldn't trust this man at all. He was too easily corrupted by stronger forces. She could probably turn him fairly quickly, with Ibiki's help of course.

He took out a medium sized bag and carefully set it on the desk. Whipping out a kunai, enjoying the slight flinch as the metal caught the light, Tsunade sliced open the bag. A mountain of gold coins poured out, clinking loudly. Tsunade resisted the urge to whistle softly, it looked like solid gold, which would fetch a pretty penny in the local market. Instead of looking as impressed as she felt, Tsunade demanded, "Is that all?"

Taken aback by the suddenness, Lucius quickly stammered, "I-I-I will be able to get more if needed!"

It was the Godaime's turn to smirk this time. She held out her hand expectantly, and looked meaningfully at the wizard. He dutifully placed the envelope in her hands.

She opened it and read:

_Target__: Albus Dumbedore_

_Time of Assassination__: Before September 1__st__._

_Location__: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. _

_Details:__ A portkey will be supplied to take you to England; then use the provided directions to enter the school. Be warned: Hogwarts has protections on it to keep out unwanted guests and muggles. After completeing the task, return to a predetermined site to receive the rest of the pay and another protkey back to your lands._

Tsunade gasped in realization.

"You're from the Outside?"

* * *

The grass was still slick from the recent rain as the two teenagers danced around each other with such well-practiced ease that they could continue their light banter throughout the fight. Such insults were not taken seriously; such as the spar itself was just a way to keep reflexes sharp.

The blond boy's startling blue eyes were dancing as he flicked a shuriken at his raven-haired friend, who's own eyes were blood red at the moment. Instead of simply dodging, the other boy caught the weapon, stood still, and looked up from the clearing at the sky.

"Hey, Sasuke! What's up?"

Sasuke barely glanced in the other boy's direction before pointing up at the black hawk circling around them in the sky. "That's 'what's up'," he declared ironically.

"Oh. Which one is it?"

"The ANBU one." Sasuke sighed. They had just returned from a partnered month long mission last week, and another mission right after in a time of peace was unusual.

"I'm really beginning to hate that bird. Do you think Baa-chan would notice if it went missing?"

"Really, Naruto. She would just get another one. Idiot…" Sasuke replied before tossing the shuriken back to him. Toss being a relative term as the weapon moved to fast for the untrained eye to see.

Catching the shuriken on one finger and pocketing it, Naruto grinned. "We might as well go see what the old hag wants."

* * *

Fully outfitted in ANBU attire, white masks glowing eerily in the light of the afternoon, Naruto and Sasuke jumped through the window leading to the Hokage's office.

"No, really, the door's just there for decoration." The sarcastic reply came from behind the desk, where Tsunade sat, glaring at the two ANBU. The one behind the Falcon mask rubbed his head sheepishly, muttering, "It was faster this way…" The Godaime just rolled her eyes.

"You may take your masks off if you wish." She informed them. They did so, Naruto and Sasuke pulling off the falcon and wolf masks respectively. Then, without warning and in a commanding voice, ordered, "Listen up, ANBU Wolf and Falcon!" The two snapped to attention.

"I have a high priority mission for the two of you. You are to infiltrate a high-end establishment, and assassinate a political rival of the client's lord. The instructions are located here," he tossed a newly sealed envelope to Sasuke. "You are to follow the instructions—" "To the punctuation. We know Baa-chan." Naruto interrupted pertly, almost allowing himself to relax and slouch out of his pristine form.

Ignoring the jab, the Godaime continued on, "Wolf will be leading the mission this time," she began, continuing to disregard Naruto's cry of outrage, "and, most importantly, this mission will take place in the Outside."

Sasuke snorted in disbelief. "Please, Hokage-sama, those are tales for Academy students."

Tsunade just raised an eyebrow and smirked. "If you say so," she said cryptically. "Anyway, an object, called a portkey, will transport you past the barrier between our worlds, where you will have to learn to blend in, or simply not be seen. You will depart from my office at oh-five-hundred hours in five days. Up until that time, you will learn their primary language," she tossed an extraordinary large book toward Wolf, its spine reading 'The Oxford English Dictionary', "and study the mission scroll until you could successfully complete the mission without them. Any questions?"

"We have to read?" Naruto asked incredulously. "And memorize? Do you have any idea how unfair that is? Mr. Crazy-Eyes over there will skim over it once and have it down in minutes!"

"I believe even with my 'crazy-eyes', it would take me at least an hour to do what you're suggesting." Naruto could feel the smirk radiating from behind the mask at that point.

Tsunade sighed and reached for her hidden bottle of sake in her bottom drawer. It had been going so well too. She zoned out of the heated argument the two ANBU were having, sipping down sake in a dainty cup. After a few minutes of that, it seemed the end was near.

"Just use your cursed clones, for gods-sake!" Sasuke snapped.

"What are you…oh…" Blinking behind his mask, realization dawned on Naruto.

Seeing a solution had been reached, Tsunade glanced over her cup, and waved them out the door. Naruto looked at the door once and grinned cheekily before slipping his mask back on and jumping out the window. Sasuke followed suit, a light smirk adjourning his face. Tsunade, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure, smacked her head with the palm of her hand, and decided it would be a good time for a mid-morning nap.

* * *

As predicted, it didn't take long for Sasuke to memorize the great dictionary, but what was surprising was that it only took Naruto a day, and, although he and his clones grumbled quite a bit while reading, he was very happy when he was done.

Sitting on top of the Sandaime's head the day before the prepared departure, the two young ANBU captains were crouched over a map, arguing once again.

"Look here, you idiot! We will appear in Carlisle, you with me so far?" Naruto nodded. "Then we will go north until we hit Lanark. Right?" A grunt of affirmation was all he needed to continue. "Now, the directions say that the castle where are target should be is only a few hundred miles directly south from Inverness. So, if we head due north from Lanark, heading a little west, we should run into the 'Forbidden Forest' that will be our entrance point."

"Wait, is that like our Forest of Death?"

"I would think so, but it is indicated that they have mythical beasts there."

"Does that mean we'll see a dragon? Or a unicorn? Maybe even a phoenix!" Naruto was almost jumping up and down in anticipation.

Ignoring the hyperactive blond, Sasuke rolled up the scrolls and stuffed them in his backpack. "Yeah, sure, whatever." He mumbled, not really paying attention.

"Huh, what? Oh, see you tomorrow, bright and early!" Naruto called to Sasuke's retreating form. Sasuke merely raised a lazy hand, then Body Flickered away, as Naruto jumped down to the streets, detemined to get at least five more bowls of ramen in before leaving.

* * *

At precisely five a.m. the next morning, standing in Tsunade's office, were Sasuke and Naruto, decked out in full ANBU regalia, complete with their favored katana strapped on their backs; Sasuke's Kusanagi, with is pitch black hilt protruding from the equally black sheath, and Naruto's fairly new katana, with a blood red hilt and sheath, matching the intricate falcon design on his mask.

"All right you two, now you take a hold of this," the Godaime tossed them an old cleaning cloth, "and you wait for a few seconds. No, _both _of you have to hold it, Naruto. Anyway, am I forgetting anything? Right! Good luck, bring honor and glory to out humble village, etcetera, etcetera, and….Oh yeah! Don't die! See you both in a month or so!"

The last words were lost on the two shinobi, as an unseen hook seemed to grab their insides behind the naval, and a whooshing sound filled their ears. Spinning around like they were in a hurricane, faster and faster until suddenly it stopped, dropping them from almost two stories up in the air, sending them plummeting down toward a small lake.

* * *

Remembering their training, they adeptly twisted in midair, applied extra chakra to the bottoms of their feet, and landed with a slight splash on top of the water.

Luckily enough, the full moon was already high in the night sky, giving them the perfect camouflage with their ANBU uniforms.

Standing for a while, each caught up in his thoughts about the Outside. They had only heard of speculation of the supposed world that coexisted alongside theirs, and now the truth was staring them in the face.

"_So we're in," _Naruto checked the map._ "Carlisle now?"_

"_We should be. Lets head north, confirm that along the way, and stop in Lanark." _Sasuke looked up in the sky. _"It should be about eleven p.m. right now, so if we travel until sunrise, we should be able to at least make it at least halfway to the forest from Lanark before we stop and rest. We'll formulate a new plan once daybreak arrives."_

Naruto nodded once before checking his bearings and speeding off in a blur toward the north, Sasuke even with him.

* * *

"_Face it, we're lost."_ Naruto moaned a day later, standing in the center of a park in what could pass as almost normal clothes. After finally making it to Lanark, heading north, and reaching Inverness with no sign of the Forbidden Forest, he was convinced they were totally lost.

"_We are not lost!" _Sasuke snarled._ "We merely do not know exactly where we are!"_

"_We should ask for directions."_

"_No respectable shinobi asks for directions!"_

"_Who cares how respectable we are when we have no clue where we are!"_ Naruto growled back, waving the map under Sasuke's nose.

Watching the two teenagers with amusement, a kind lady took pity on the two boys.

"Are you two lost?" She asked, eyeing the messy and wrinkled map in one boy's hand.

"Yes."

"No."

The two answers came at the same time, and the lady stifled a laugh. Men and directions.

The blond scowled at the dark haired one, and then turned to her. "Have you heard anything about a dark and mysterious forest to the south of here?" He asked innocently.

Rolling his eyes in frustration, the other boy mumbled something in another language.

She wasn't sure what he said, but it sounded sarcastic.

"_Why not just ask her if she knows where this Dumbledore person is so we can find him faster." _

The blond just scowled at him again.

The woman chuckled at their childish antics, then motioned for the map.

"I have heard of a haunted forest, no one who goes in is ever seen again. I, for one, think it's a load of rubbish," she added as she scanned the map over. "The rumors hint that it should be some where around there, you know, the usual tales of strange creatures and people disappearing." She circled a section of unexplored land. "Hope this helps."

"Thanks lady!" Naruto exclaimed, flashing a blinding smile.

"No problem," she replied, and then headed down the street, not bothering to notice that as soon as her back was turned, the two boys had disappeared without a sound leaving behind swirling leaves.

* * *

August fifteenth, and two dark shadows streaked through the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts, moonlight reflecting off the white porcelain masks covering their faces. They were growing closer and closer to the castle with every second. Stopping a mile out, they reviewed the plan one final time.

"_Remember, sticking together will be the best plan, the castle is too big to learn the exact lay-out and worry about extra escape routes. We will enter through the tallest tower," _glancing down at a map, he added,_ "the Astronomy Tower. From there we drop two stories, then hang a right, three doors; left, two doors; left, four doors; one last right and then at the end of the hallway there should be a stone gargoyle that leads to Dumbledore's office. You got that?"_

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "_Yeah, yeah, right, five doors, left then a gargoyle." _He replied unconvincingly.

Sasuke sighed. _"Just follow me and don't get lost."_

Naruto nodded with affirmation, and followed Sasuke as he blurred across the open field in front of the lake, both appearing almost simultaneously at the base of the Astronomy tower. Still in time with each other, they raced up the side of the building, footsteps not making a sound on the stone. Stopping right by then window, Sasuke pulled out a kunai, and silently cut the glass along the frame. Like black cats of death, the shinobi slinked into the room, Sasuke setting the glass softly on a desk while Naruto glanced out the door, checking to make sure not a soul was around. After Naruto confirmed the coast was clear, Sasuke darted out of the room, sticking to the shadows cast by the torches hanging on the wall. Naruto followed, staying on the other side of the hallway.

They moved as one, using the Body Flicker Technique to reappear back in the shadows. This caused them to make good time, and they were soon staring down a long, scantily lit hallway at an ancient stone gargoyle.

After Flickering toward it, they stopped feet away.

"_How are we supposed to get in?" Naruto asked._

"_There's some sort of password required, but we weren't told what it was." Sasuke whispered with annoyance._

"_Well, then, let's start guessing passwords!" Naruto exclaimed._

"_Open Sesame!"_

"_Hogwarts."_

"_Abra Kadabra!"_

"_Forbidden Forest."_

"_Alakazam!"_

"_Scotland."_

"_Ramen!"_

"_This isn't getting us anywhere!" _Sasuke snarled, patience wearing thin._ "How are we supposed to get in without the password? That client is mental!" _Throwing in some colorful language for good measure, Sasuke started to pace in front of the statue. Naruto was just standing there, head tilted to one side, thinking.

Suddenly, a strange voice was heard from above them, and both ANBU jumped back, drawing kunai and a handful of shuriken.

"Lookie here! Ickle men in black outfits in front of the Headmaster's room with pointy ickle knives! Me thinks I should report you!"

_"The heck?!"_ Naruto cried, clearly thinking his whole world had just exploded, now that there was a small man in odd brightly colored clothing, clearly floating a good twelve feet above the ground.

Sasuke, however, was more angry than anything else. _"Screw this!"_ he screamed as his normal dark obsidian eyes turned blood red with three spiraling tomoe in each eye. The apparition made the mistake of looking directly into the small holes outlined by the mask, and was soon dashing away, screaming in terror. Sasuke smirked triumphantly.

_"That was awesome!" _Naruto raved. _"I so wish I could make a genjustu to send my enemies running away in fright!"_

Yes sir, Sasuke was feeling pretty good about himself; that had gotten rid of a lot of stress. Then the truth of what had just happened hit him head on.

_"Falcon, we need to leave immediately! Someone probably heard the noi--" _He was cut short, however, as a red beam of light hit him square in the back. Naruto didn't have time to comprehend what had happened before he too was struck. Walking to stand over the two unconscious ANBU, a pale man in a black cloak with rather greasy hair scowled in disgust before muttering "Lemon drop," and walking calmly up the stairs to inform the Headmaster.

**

* * *

**

A/N:

I made up where I wanted Hogwarts to be, just sticking it in central Scotland. I hope those cities I used are real as well; I just glanced at a map I found on Google and guessed distances and stuff.

Anyways, tell me what you think, if I should continue the story or whatnot. Read and review!!


	2. Moldywort

**A/N: **Chapter two, oh yeah! I feel I must say that what gave me the idea for this story was Tandtroll's Assassination? It is an awesome story, and you should read it. Enjoy!!

The usual disclaimer applies.

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. And a flashback, at least for this chapter. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

**

* * *

**

Moldywort?

* * *

Sasuke was the first to come to. His eyes slowly drifted open, and he was careful not to move any other muscle, like how they had been taught by the veteran ANBU in case the were captured.

He tried to get a bearing on his surroundings out of the corners of his eyes, but all he could see was what looked like a normal teacher's office. Maybe an eccentric teacher though. Sasuke had never seen so much…junk, not counting Naruto's filthy apartment, of course. Books were piled on shelves all the way to the ceiling, and random knick-knacks were strewn about the room, laying on tables and other desks.

But what really caught his eye was the magnificent swan-sized bird, with brilliant red and gold plumage. Sasuke stared in wonder at the strange creature, before remembering Naruto's comment from early in Konoha.

"_Does that mean we'll see a dragon? Or a unicorn? Maybe even a phoenix!" _

Well then. A phoenix. That was certainly not something you saw everyday.

A soft mumble of _"Don't let the monkey take my ramen…" _brought Sasuke back to the current problem. Both shinobi had been bound to a chair, Naruto was still out cold, and, now that he thought about it, Sasuke realized he couldn't move even if he wanted to.

Yes, they were sunk. Who knew what kind of torture these people would be capable of? If a glance around the castle showed their powers, they were doomed.

"_Would you like some water? You've been out for quite a while." _An elderly voice spoke from the corner.

Whipping his head around, Sasuke stared at the old man holding a metal pitcher. From his clothes, this was probably his office.

"_No Jiraiya, you pervert, don't do it!" _The startled cry distracted Sasuke from the man, and brought about the awakening of Naruto, who proceeded to try and jump out of his chair. It didn't work so well, and instead he was only able to sit there with a bewildered expression on his face.

"_Umm…Sas-Wolf. Wolf. What are we doing here?"_

"_I believe I could answer that better than your friend, young one. You see, a teacher at this school found you just downstairs after hearing our local poltergeist shrieking down the hallway. He knocked you out and brought you to me. Would you be so kind as to explain what you were doing?"_

"_Not in your life old man!" _Naruto yelled rebelliously. _"You'd have to kill us first!"_

"_Alas, I would rather not do that. But I foresaw this sort of thing, so just sit tight for a few moments." _His eyes twinkled with a secret.

Realization dawned on Sasuke as he looked the man over. _"I can't believe it…" _he mumbled.

"_What?"_ Naruto whispered.

"_Dumbledore…"_

"…_Well that's just peachy."_

* * *

After a minutes of trying to connive a way out of the unfavorable situation, Naruto gave up and decided to relax and see what would happen. He didn't have to wait long, for soon the door swung open, and a sickly looking man with a billowing black cape strutted into the room, followed by a middle-aged lady with a tall, pointy hat. He handed Dumbledore a crystal container, filled with a clear liquid.

"Thank you Severus, Minerva. You may stay if you wish." He said in English.

The nodded, and Dumbledore walked briskly over to Naruto, saying, _"You have to drink this now."_

"_How about no?" _Naruto growled.

"_I'm afraid you don't have a choice."_

Indeed he didn't, for Naruto soon found the glass up to his lips, and the cool liquid sliding down his throat against his will.

"_Now then, what were you doing here?"_

"_I said I wasn't going to tell you."_

Dumbledore glanced back at the other teachers, confusion showing on his face.

"Maybe you should try the other one," the one called Severus spoke.

"Indeed I will. Your turn, young man."

Naruto look over at Sasuke as he too was forced to drink the liquid.

'_Hey, fox what's the deal?' he thought._

"_**Well, well, these people are sophisticated. None of that bloody torturing you do, they're using Veritaserum."**_

'_What's that?'_

"_**Ugh, I'm surrounded by idiots… Veritaserum is a truth serum. It's impossible to lie while under its effects. Luckily for you, I have the ability to cancel it out for you, else you would be singing like a bird like Sasuke's about to do."**_

'_Wha??'_

Looking over at Sasuke, he discovered this was true. Wide eyed in horror, later bowing his head in shame, he was forced to tell their target everything, from their names to what their mission was, and even the clients name. He also told them everything he knew about the genjutsu barrier surrounding the Nations, which, considering it was Sasuke, was a lot. That was a big no-no. Never rat out the client.

Once he was done, Minerva spoke up, looking horrified.

"But Albus, they're only children!"

"Hey, old hag! We're not children anymore! We've been considered adults among our village since we were twelve! You can't just call us kids based on age, not knowing what we've been through!"

Looking amused, Dumbledore quietly murmured. "So they do know English. That will make things different."

"Well duh we know English! Why do you think we were told to come on this mission in the first place?"

"Easy, Falcon, we still have a job to do." Sasuke whispered in Naruto's ear.

Naruto glared at him, but fell silent.

"You two still think you'll be able to get away with killing the most powerful wizard the world has ever seen? Please." Severus smirked.

Sasuke just shrugged as much as he could under the binding spell. "It's our duty to do so or die trying."

"I just don't get it," Minerva started, "why do you want to kill Albus? You have no reason to."

"Yeah we do," Naruto argued, "We were ordered to by our higher-ups. That's all the reason we need."

She stared at him, mouth agape.

"Besides, this isn't the first political assassination we've been told to perform." Sasuke added.

"Political…?" Severus muttered.

"I'm afraid you have been mislead. I am in no political situation right now," Dumbledore began. "The man who hired you to kill me works under Lord Voldemort, a powerful dark wizard bent on world domination. I have to admit it would be to his advantage to have me killed, but I didn't think he had connections in Konoha. Would you care to explain that?"

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke muttered angrily, "I don't have much choice, do I?" In reply, Dumbledore shook his head as Sasuke continued talking.

"All we were told was a very large pay increase for this mission, by almost two hundred percent. That can only mean Lord Hokage was getting paid in something other than normal money."

"Like solid gold?" Minerva inquired.

"It's quite possible. Either that or gems."

Naruto was growing bored with the others nagging on their way of life. "Look, what's the big deal? No one ever makes this big a fuss when someone dies back home? I mean, every single day there are practically ten people trying to come up with another plot to 'take over the world', and nothing's worked yet. You guys must be high on something," he finished, tactful, as always.

Sasuke stifled a snort of amusement as Minerva's eyebrows shot up deep within her hairline, Severus paled even more with anger, and Dumbledore's eyes sparkled with humor.

"I guess you haven't heard much of Voldemort," he speculated.

"Before today, we have never heard of this…Vladmork person," Sasuke stumbled through the name.

"Hah! Some captain you are. It's Moldywort. Duh!" Naruto exclaimed.

Minerva tittered behind her hand while Severus's lips formed a hard, thin line.

'Man, these people have the weirdest reactions!' Naruto thought, looking at the three adults.

"**That's because you two are the biggest idiots ever. Even I have heard of this **_**VOLDEMORT **_**person, and I've been stuck in your body for seventeen years," **Kyuubi grumbled from within.

'Oh,' Naruto mentally rubbed the back of his head.

"Well then, it seems a history lesson is in order," Dumbledore said. "It all started before you two were born, with the rise of the Dark Lord, who tried to "purify" the wizarding world by eliminating all non-pure-bloods. That is, people with a strong bloodline of past wizards and witches. It was a dark, sad time. An innumerable amount of people were killed, half bloods and any others who resisted. It seemed the world was going to be thrown into turmoil forever, and then, a little over fifteen years ago, a boy named Harry Potter was born," neither shinobi missed the snarl that adjourned Severus's face, nor the proud gleam in the other teachers' eyes, " and Voldemort set out to kill him for reasons I won't go into. He only succeeded in killing the infant's parents, and the boy himself survived, somehow ridding Voldemort of his powers at the same time. Harry faced several hardships in his first few years here, and just last year, the worst possible thing happened. Voldemort was brought back."

* * *

Sasuke really didn't know if he should be feeling scared right now or not. Sure a mass murderer was loose again with a fifteen-year vendetta, but still, he had incompetents working with and under him, classifying him as a threat considerably less dangerous than the Akatsuki, and the thing with them was controlled for the time being. So, instead of gasping, flinching, screaming, crying, or any combination of those, he settled for a yawn. "This affect us how, exactly?" he inquired.

Severus snarled back, "If you think the Dark Lord would spare your miserable lives and just forget about you, you're delusional, _boy._"

Sasuke scowled back. "Unfortunately for you, I doubt he could make it past the Academy students, if he has the athletic ability you do. The least skilled could probably impale you with a razor sharp kunai; no scratch that, at least _three_ kunai, in the time it would take for you to blink. And that's not accounting for out numerous ANBU. I think you're the delusional one, _civilian_.

Naruto burst out laughing. "You know what Sasuke? I could see Hanabi doing that, and with a huge smile on her face too!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, not dignifying that with a response. "So, I take it that you're the only one who can stop him, save the world, and all good things like that?" he asked Dumbledore.

"Something like that."

"Okey-doke then! I think that killing you would be bad idea, mission failure, let's go kill us some liars! … Err, does that sound right, Sasuke?" Naruto cocked his head.

"I agree with the first part," he said, and Minerva breathed a sigh of relief. "But unfortunately, we don't have clearance for the second half. We would have to contact our superiors and we don't know how to do that."

"I have a solution to that," Dumbledore interjected. "Since we have a few weeks until the start of term, I could research ways to get a letter through that barrier you were talking about. You two would be welcome in our castle until then."

"A very generous proposal." Sasuke reasoned. "Your help will not go over-looked in the mission report." Naruto nodded in agreement.

"Well then, Minerva, would you be so kind as to show them to the open dormitory we have on the fifth floor?"

"Of course Albus. Follow me you two." With a flick of her wand, which Sasuke still couldn't believe was real, both shinobi were unbound and able to move. They stretched sore muscles, and then followed the teacher down the hallways to their temporary home, thinking about the wonderful things they would tell this Moldywort once they finally met him face-to-face.

**

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**A/N:**

Not as long as the first one, but I had to get this out of the way. And don't Sasuke and Snape get along beautifully? Please review!! 


	3. The Big Toad

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* * *

**

**A/N:**

Once again, nothing to say, except I have included the Sorting Hat's song in this chapter, and you can skip over it if it seems of little importance to you. Some of Umbridge's speech is also word for word here, so bear with me.

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

**

* * *

**

The Big Toad

* * *

A few weeks and a couple days later, Dumbledore was staring out the window with Minerva standing next to him ranting about the situation. There was a dark black plume of smoke rising from the Forbidden Forest, mixed with what looked like currents of electricity.

"This can't go on for any longer Albus! They're a danger to the school! Why, yesterday I caught them throwing those star things at Peeves to see if he was really a ghost. And don't even get me started on what they could be doing in the Forest!"

He sighed and turned to look at her. "There is nothing else we can do Minerva. It is either keeping them here until we have contacted their Hokage or turning them loose on the rest of the world. Hopefully I will be able to get them to behave if they're still here once start of term arrives. Now, I have already written to the letter, and sent it attached to a portkey with Dobby the house-elf, as he knows their language. He will not let me down."

Minerva looked skeptical, but did not say anything, deciding instead to look out the window, her brow creased.

_

* * *

_

Dear Tsunade, Godaime Hokage,

_We currently have a bit of a situation on our hands. The two young shinobi you sent have decided to not complete the mission after learning the truth behind our ways here. I explained to them how important it is for me to be alive right now, and they agreed. There is also the little matter of your client not having sufficient funds to compensate you for your troubles. He tricked you, not thinking clearly of his choice. _

_Currently, Naruto and Sasuke are being kept safe here at my school, Hogwarts, and are anxious to extract revenge from your deceitful client, although they insist they must wait for proper clearance first. Rest assured, if they begin their search for Voldemort and his Death Eaters, I would always keep my doors open for them to rest and restock with supplies. _

_Now, for the matter of communication, if this letter makes it through, all you have to do is send your reply with Dobby, the house-elf I am intrusting this to, and we will take matters from there. If I do not receive a response in a week, I will presume you didn't get the letter, and try to find a different way to reach you._

_Best wishes,_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

Tsunade stared in wonder at his name. Or, rather, names. Who had five of them? Shaking her head again, she addressed the more important matter at hand.

So, those two idiots had obviously gotten themselves captured, that much was clear. But what was mystifying was how this Dumbledore had treated them. They were sent to kill him, yet he let them off the hook that easily? What a weird man.

"Excuse me ma'am, but Dobby was wondering if Dobby should be getting ready to take back a reply, ma'am."

Tsunade look at the strange creature before her. Dumbldore had called him a house-elf? Very odd. Se replied "Yes, I'm just finishing writing it." She added the finishing touches and looked it over.

_Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore, _

_I apologize for the inconvenience of it all. I thank you very much for sparing my two shinobi; our village would miss them sorely. As for the matter of the deceit, please inform Wolf that there has been a change of plans. His new target is Lucius Malfoy and any of those in his line of work that he also feel the need to terminate. Wish him luck and ask him to throw in an extra kunai for me. _

_Tsunade, Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure_

Nodding once in satisfaction, she handed the letter to Dobby, and watched as he disappeared not a minute latter.

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke stared at the spiraling tornado of smoke, electricity, and chakra, slight smirks on their faces.

"I knew it would be cool to have two clones smash together Chidori and Rasengan, and what did you say?" Naruto continued on in his 'fake-Sasuke-voice', "'Nothing cool will happen, that would just waste chakra.' And look at what we have now!" Despite his glee, he flinched slightly as the storm hit an ancient tree, first setting it ablaze before completely disintegrating it.

Sasuke let out a large snort that might have been mistaken for laughter. "I have to admit, it is very destructive." He conceded. "It also has a certain flair to it."

"And we didn't have to even break a sweat, since we used clones!" Naruto added bobbing his head up and down enthusiastically.

Sasuke was about to reply, when both shinobi's heads snapped to the west. Their sharp hearing had picked up the snap of a branch a kilometer away. Without even looking at each other, they disappeared from the floor, reappearing in a branch a couple hundred feet up.

"What do you think that was?" Naruto whispered.

"Probably something that wants to eat us." Sasuke replied logically.

They didn't have to wait long to find out if he was correct, as a long hairy leg reached into the little light in the small clearing below the ANBU's tree. Seven more legs soon followed it.

"Oh…My…God... That is one huge spider." Naruto mumbled.

As if one giant arachnid wasn't enough, two slightly smaller spiders followed it out of the darker part of the forest.

"You know Sauske, I've been thinking—" "Well that's new…" Sasuke interrupted. Naruto glared at him before continuing, "That this would be a perfect time to see if our combined jutsu are just as deadly to creatures as they are to trees."

Sasuke grinned malevolently and quickly made the correct seal as Naruto copied him, both whispering "Shadow Clone Jutsu." Two identical shinobi stood next to them. With nods from Sasuke and Naruto their clones' hands became busy, flashing through the Ox, Hare, and Monkey seals, and gathering a spiraling sphere of chakra respectively.

Once both were ready, they Body Flickered down next to the spiders, almost simultaneously combining the two attacks. The two ANBU peered over the edge, waiting to see the result.

The gigantic electric tornado collided with the spiders, and for a second, there was a bright blue light blinding everything in the clearing, followed by the nauseating smell of burnt flesh and unique sound of a creature exploding.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other, and found that they both were in the same condition: covered in spider remnants. Naruto laughed as Sasuke wiped his face clean of gunk, than yelled in indignation as he proceeded to smear it on his newly laundered ANBU suit. Sasuke merely shrugged.

* * *

Trekking down the hallway leading to the Great Hall for dinner, the two shinobi succeeded in leaving behind a rather stinky path of entrails behind them as they scuffed their shoes on the floor, trying to clean them up a little.

Managing a pretty good job by shinobi standards, they were quite pleased with themselves as they walked into the Hall, and chose to ignore the way the teachers' noses wrinkled in disgust. Unfortunately, Naruto couldn't quite stifle a giggle when he saw one professor, Flitwick, if he remembered correctly, run out of the room, most likely toward the nearest toilet.

This did not go unnoticed by a new addition to the teachers, whom Naruto did not recognize. The squat, short lady with short mouse-brown hair waddled over to the ANBU, a non-convincing smile on her face that failed to reach her eyes.

"Hem, hem," she coughed. "What appears to be going on here?"

"Umm…Nothing. We were just heading to eat." Naruto rubbed the back of his head.

"Like that? Your hands are filthy!" Her squeaky voice reminded Naruto of her hair.

"No they're not; we got the blood off in the dirt before we came inside." He proudly declared.

The Big Toad, as Naruto had dubbed her, also wrinkled her nose.

"This is unacceptable!" She decreed. "You two will make yourselves presentable before you take another step!"

"And who are you?" Sasuke's low intense voice startled her. The seemingly innocent question was filled with the tone of an unspoken warning.

"I am Dolores Jane Umbridge, and you had best remember that!" Her voice was rising in octaves as Sasuke silently continued to glare at her.

"If our personal hygiene is an issue, I suggest you take it up with Dumbledore. We will listen to him; not you."

With that Sasuke sauntered over to the staff table, with Naruto following a few paces behind, a mischievous smile on his lean face.

Umbridge stood stock still, surprise and outrage on her round face.

"I don't really think she's that pleasant, do you Sasuke?" He ventured to ask after a few courses for him and one for his partner.

"Not at all." Sasuke replied.

"I think we should teach her what happens when she messes with Konoha's top ANBU."

"I couldn't agree more." Sasuke's normally nonchalant face glinted with an evil plan.

"The students will be arriving tonight, won't they? She'll probably try to make a speech."

Sasuke was silent for a while before responding with a small grin. "Did she remind you of a toad too?"

Naruto's smile widened impossibly.

They planned for the rest of the day and were ready when the first students started to arrive.

* * *

Harry glanced to the staff table, ignoring the rest of the hall and its occupants. What he saw didn't please him, Hagrid wasn't there; his spot empty.

Hermione echoed his thoughts, but also added on "Who's _that?_" Pointing at the table.

The first people who caught his eye were dressed entirely in black, with what looked like sword sheaths on their backs. Eerie white porcelain masks hid their faces and were decorated with bright paint depicting a wolf and some sort of bird.

"I don't know, but they look creepy and dangerous."

Ron snorted. "She doesn't look too dangerous to me, but I agree that her cardigan is very creepy."

"That's not who we're talking about Ronald. Look next to Dumbledore." Hermione hissed.

"Oh." Ron paled. "Yeah, dangerous describes them."

"I know the other one though," Harry mentioned. "She's Umbridge. She works for Fudge and was at my hearing."

"I wonder why she's here…"

"I don't care about her. I want to know why those other guys are here." Ron mumbled.

Professor Grubbly-Plank appeared behind the staff table, and Harry and his friends took a seat at their table.

The double doors burst open, and Professor McGonagall led the new first years down the aisle, looking like a mother duck. She set down the ancient stool and hat. The rip near the brim of the hat opened, and it began to sing.

_In times of old when I was new_

_And Hogwarts barely started_

_The founders of out noble school_

_Thought never to be parted:_

_United by a common goal, _

_They had the selfsame yearning,_

_To make the world's best magic school_

_And pass along their learning._

"_Together we will build and teach!"_

_The four good friends decided_

_And never did they dream that they_

_Might someday be divided._

_For were there such friends anywhere_

_As Slytherin and Gryffindor?_

_Unless it was the second pair_

_Of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?_

_So how could it have gone so wrong?_

_How could such friendship fail?_

_Why, I was there and so can tell_

_The whole sad, sorry tale._

_Said Slytherin. "We'll teach those_

_Whose ancestry is purest."_

_Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose_

_Intelligence is surest."_

_Said Gryffindore, "We'll teach all those_

_With brave deeds to their name."_

_Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot_

_And treat them just the same."_

_These differences caused little strife_

_When first they came to light,_

_For each of the four founders had_

_A House in which they might_

_Take only those they wanted, so,_

_For instance, Slytherin_

_Took only pure-blood wizards_

_Of great cunning, just like him,_

_And only those of sharpest mind_

_Were taught by Ravenclaw_

_While the bravest and the boldest_

_Went to daring Gryffindor._

_Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest,_

_And taught them all she new,_

_Thus the Houses and their founders_

_Retained friendship firm and true._

_So Hogwarts worked in harmony_

_For several happy years,_

_But then discord crept among us_

_Feeding on out faults and fears._

_The Houses that, like pillars four,_

_Had once held up our school,_

_Now turned upon each other and_

_Divided, sought to rule._

_And for a while it seemed the school_

_Must meet an early end,_

_What with dueling and with fighting_

_And the clash of friend on friend_

_And al last there came a morning_

_When old Slytherin departed_

_And though the fighting then died out_

_He left us quite downhearted._

_And never since the founders four_

_Were whittled down to three_

_Have the Houses been united_

_As they once used to be._

_And now the Sorting Hat is here_

_And you all now the score:_

_I sort you into Houses_

_Because that's what I'm for,_

_But this year I'll go further,_

_Listen closely to my song:_

_Though condemned I am to split you_

_Still I worry that it's wrong,_

_Though I must fulfill my duty_

_And must quarter every year_

_Still I wonder whether sorting_

_May not bring the end I fear._

_Oh, know the perils, read the signs,_

_The warning history shows,_

_For our Hogwarts is in danger_

_From external, deadly foes_

_And we must unite inside her_

_Or we'll crumble from within_

_I have told you, I have warned you… _

_Let the Sorting now begin._

* * *

Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other through the holes in their masks as they clapped mildly along with the others. They had noticed how the reaction was a little delayed and some students were muttering to each other at their tables, some of them with disbelieving expressions on their faces.

"_What babies,"_ Naruto muttered softly to Sasuke so no one else could hear. _"Unwilling to work together with each other for the greater good."_

"_Remind you of anyone?"_

"_We were younger then." _Naruto insisted._ "Anyway, I can understand the first and second years, but the sevenths should be beyond that already."_

"_Kakashi would have a fit."_

Naruto snorted and replied, _"Yeah, they would never get to eat the wonderful dinner planned, would they?"_

"_Nope, not a bite. They would probably be expelled soon too."_

Naruto laughed softly to himself before the two turned their attention to the already in progress Sorting. As "Zeller, Rose" was sorted into Hufflepuff and the Hat taken back to…wherever it was the rest of the year, Dumbledore stood up from his seat.

"To our newcomers, welcome! To our old hands—welcome back! There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Tuck in!"

Naruto grabbed a turkey leg, still wishing there was ramen. Until he found it though, he would have to deal with other forms of food.

They both ate quietly, not joining in the chatter of the hall. They were too busy preparing their great prank on the Big Toad. Naruto fingered the summoning scroll in his right pants pocket and Sasuke toyed with the steel wires laced to his fingers. They were so preoccupied with thinking of the details that they did not notice the food had disappeared and Dumbledore had begun his welcoming speech. They only came back to reality when a familiar "Hem, hem," broke the flow and Umbridge stood up and began to talk.

"Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say! And to see such happy little faces looking back at me."

Naruto stifled another laugh as most of the "happy little faces" glared at her, but she continued, undaunted.

"I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all, and I'm sure we'll be very good friends."

"_Fat chance of that." _Sasuke murmured to Naruto, who grinned under his mask.

The ANBU bided their time, waiting until most of the students were talking quietly amongst themselves or their eyes had glazed over. With an imperceptible nod to Naruto, Sasuke gave one of the wires around his finger a gentle tug, and confetti began to rain down over Umbridge's head.

It was enough for a few students to regain consciousness, although majority were still out of it.

Naruto sliced the very top of his thumb and filled out the scroll while still staring intently at Umbridge. With a poof of smoke that went unnoticed by everyone, the toads arrived. Jumping to the rafters swiftly to avoid notice, they waited for their predetermined signal to arrive.

Seeing that the toads were in position, another indiscernible was given and Sasuke pulled the last wire.

With a loud _BOOM!_ and a few mini fireworks, it was abruptly raining toads. One of the smaller ones landed on top of Umbridge's head while Gamakichi and Gamatatsu landed on either side of her, exclaiming simultaneously "Hail, might Big Toad! Although you shame the family with your looks, we welcome you anyways!" As he said that, a great banner unraveled above her. Written on it, in handwriting eerily similar to her own if you knew it, was "**WELCOME BIG TOAD!"**

Umbridge screamed and fell backwards while the students in the hall looked flabbergasted. A few glanced over toward two lanky red-haired twins, who shook their heads.

The entire hall burst out laughing, clapping much harder than they did for the sorting hat. The teachers were mostly trying not to laugh, though some didn't bother. McGonagall's mouth quirked at the corner and she was turning red. Flitwick let out a small giggle before he controlled himself. Dumbledore's eyes glittered with amusement. The most surprising response of all was Snape's. His eyes glittered with malicious humor, and his mouth curved upward slightly. Sasuke's eyebrow's shot up, not guessing that the surly potions master would have reacted that way.

As for the other shinobi, his shoulders shook in silent laughter, and Sasuke would bet his paycheck that tears were streaking down the prankster's cheeks.

In between bouts of laughter, Naruto congratulated Sasuke. _"I totally forgot you could Sharingan her handwriting to copy it! Now of she tries to find the culprit that way, it will look like she did it! You're a genius Sasuke!"_

"_I know," _was the smug reply, but Naruto was having too much fun to care.

With a cheerful wave and a bow, the toads disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a very disgruntled Umbridge, who tried to finish up her speech with some dignity. It was too late though, and the laughter echoed through the Hall through the conclusion.

Much to the ANBU's amusement, and adding insult to injury to Umbridge's lost pride, the students silenced immediately when Dumbledore stood up to finish his speech.

* * *

It was near the end when Dumbledore said, "And I bet some of you may have noticed our new additions to the table."

Harry perked up instantly and felt Hermione and Ron do the same beside him.

"Meet Captains Wolf," the one with dark blue and red markings on his masks raised a lazy hand in acknowledgement, "and Falcon." The other one, with brighter red markings, waved with pleasure. "They are our guests for the time being, as I owe their leader a favor." Was Harry imagining the slight shaking of Captain Falcon's shoulders? Probably.

With a start, he realized everyone was getting up. Realizing with resentment that Ron and Hermione would be taking the first years, he stalked out of the Great Hall by himself.

* * *

After all the students in the hall had left, Sasuke and Naruto were confronted with an amused Dumbldore.

"I trust you had nothing to do with what happened earlier?" He inquired politely.

"Of course not, Dumbledore!" Naruto put his hands up in front of defensively, sounding affronted. "We wouldn't do anything to undermine her authority in front of the students!"

Dumbledore chuckled lightly. "If you say so."

As he left, Naruto whispered to Sasuke, _"He doesn't believe me, does he?"_

"_With that performance, I wouldn't have believed you either. Now come on, we should be going, almost everyone has left."_

Sasuke and Naruto disappeared with a swirl of flames and spiraling dust and leaves respectively, ignoring Snape's astonished expression.

**

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**A/N:**

Poor Umbridge. Not. Oh well! I'll be able to have quite a bit of fun with her.

Read and review!


	4. I Spy

**A/N:** This story is doing great by my standards. Now all we need is a few more reviews…-cough cough-

It has been brought to my attention that this fic is a lot like another one. I had no intention of that, and will revise the Hokage letter if it bugs anyone else. I'm also just letting you know that Sasuke and Naruto will not be staying at Hogwarts for the whole story. This should be the last chapter for a while before they head back around Christmas-time.

This is the edited version, with responding to the reviews at the bottom.

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

* * *

**I Spy**

* * *

Sasuke sat in the Great Hall, chewing on a simple piece of toast while looking at Naruto with something close to disgust (although no one could see it,) as he inhaled every piece of food that had the misfortune to end up on his plate.

"_Dumbledore will be in for a shock if you continue to eat like that." _Sasuke mentioned dryly.

"_It wouldn't be my fault if_ –swallow– _he didn't have enough food to_ –munch munch– _keep me satiated."_ Naruto mumbled rebelliously.

Sasuke just sighed, and then cocked his head to the side as he heard a far off noise. _"We're about to have company."_

Naruto grumbled and gulped down one last piece of bacon before joining Sasuke in putting his mask on. No need for anyone to see they weren't much older than the students themselves, after all.

The early rising students began to amble in, some of them still staring open-mouthed at the ANBU sitting at the staff table. Some put their heads together in a very conspicuous way to share theories over who the two mystery guests really were.

Sighing contently and patting his faintly bulging stomach, Naruto pushed his chair back and laced his fingers behind his head, the perfect picture of peace, spoiled only slightly by the gleaming white mask. He was fully prepared to ignore the attention that came with the job.

* * *

The three Gryffindors walked into the Great Hall, eyes scanning the staff table. Although Hagrid hadn't returned, the two "guests" were seated, with empty plates in front of them.

"Those blokes are kind of creepy, aren't they? I mean, who carries weapons like that anymore?" Ron asked in disbelief.

Indeed, the two men's swords sat on their backs, ready to be drawn in the blink of an eye. Hermione eyed them cautiously. "I believe the one Captain Falcon has is a Japanese katana, a one-sided curved blade originally used by the samurai. Captain Wolf's, however, is a chokuto, a straight edged blade."

Her friends stared open mouthed at her. "How do you know that?" Ron spluttered.

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Some of us enjoy learning things about different cultures, Ronald."

"Er, guys? I think they heard you." Harry whispered nervously.

"That's impossible Harry! We're far enough away that—oh." Ron broke off when he realized that the two were staring at them. Wolf cocked his head slightly toward Falcon, like someone who was whispering a secret might do.

They were brought back to the present when Angelina shook Harry to get his attention.

* * *

Sasuke smirked under his mask. _"That girl is clever. I wouldn't be surprised if she found out who we were."_

"_Yeah right, Sasuke," _Naruto snorted. _"I doubt she would have that much time on her hands. If what I've heard on the grapevine is true, then they'll be up to their eyeballs in work. All the better for us."_

"_All the same, we should follow them for the day, see what they're up to."_

"_Not recon!" _Naruto moaned. "_You know I hate recon!"_

"_Suck it up."_ Sasuke ordered. He looked back down the rows of students; Sharingan activated, and grinned maliciously as he read the students' lips. _"However, I believe we're in luck. Our little friends over there have double Potions and double Defense Against the Dark Arts. Our two favorite teachers for twice as long!"_

Naruto smirked cruelly._ "Let the games begin."_

The both disappeared without a sound, reappearing at the top of the Grand Staircase, Naruto teetering precariously on the handrail before regaining his balance. _"Well, I think that we should skip whatever menial lesson they have first and join in for the entertaining ones."_

"_I couldn't agree more; History of Magic sounds dreary."_

"_History? Ugh." _Naruto shuddered. _"None of that while we're enjoying ourselves. How about a romp through the Forbidden Forest instead?"_

Sasuke shrugged, then silently dropped down to the bottom of the staircase, Naruto following like a shadow.

* * *

Flashing through the trees in a blur, the two shinobi reached their favored clearing in a matter of minutes. Almost nothing was left from their encounter with the Acromantulas, which they discovered was the correct name for their foes from the day before. It seemed as if whatever remained had been eaten away by some other creature.

"_Awesome! Something ate this! Sasuke, come take a look!"_ Naruto yelled like a little Academy student.

Sasuke sighed and dropped down from his tree branch. He stood by the bodies, looking bored. _"Yes, something has eaten them. Is that really so weird?"_

Naruto grumbled to himself about stuck up ANBU captains, then proceeded to poke the carcasses with a stick.

Sasuke mentally hit his head repeatedly against a nice little wall inside his head, right in the middle of a bull's eye. Naruto failed to notice the dead look in his partner's eyes, and contentedly kept poking the pile of burnt flesh.

Both shinobi totally unaware of their surroundings, Sasuke stuck inside his head and Naruto totally absorbed with the spiders, they failed to notice the quiet sound of paws treading on the under-growth, and the slight panting that accompanied it.

Suddenly, a giant, brown, furry beast burst into the clearing. The ANBU both jumped around in surprise and Naruto screamed _"Oh my God! It's a giant three-headed dog! It's so……CUTE!" _Now Sasuke turned to Naruto in astonishment._ "'Cute' is the adjective you choose to describe it? That's it, I'm putting you down for a psych evaluation when we get back." _Naruto scowled and was about to retort back, definitely something witty, but a loud growl cut him off. He stared up at the dog, which was easily as tall as a small house, and took a small step back. _"Um…Sasuke? I don't know about you, but I don't want to have to kill something so fluffy. Can't we just leave?"_

Sasuke sighed, which he noticed he seemed to be doing a lot of lately, and walked in front of the canine. "You, Fluffy Dog," he said in English. "Sit." He snarled the last word out with his special 'drop and give me twenty' voice, as Naruto dubbed it. To Naruto's amazement, the dog dropped onto its haunches.

"_How did you do that?"_ He wondered incredulously.

Sasuke smirked triumphantly. _"All you have to do is show it you're better than it." _He turned back to the dog; ignoring Naruto's mumbled, _"Yeah, you would know all about acting like you're better than everyone else." _"Fluffy Dog," its ears perked up, "sic 'em." He pointed to Naruto with a glint in his eyes.

"_Wha…? Sasuke! Call him off! Call him off!" _He begged as he darted around the clearing, finally taking refuge halfway up in a tree while the three-headed mongrel bayed at the trunk.

Having had enough amusement for the day, Sasuke snapped his fingers and the dog trotted over to his side. "Good boy," he said smugly.

Naruto scowled at him from above.

"_Come on, 'Dog Whisperer', let's head back now."_

"_Aw, little Naruto isn't scared of the big bad doggie, is he?" _Sasuke cooed mockingly.

"_Just shut it." _Naruto growled as he took off through the trees.

* * *

The two shinobi sauntered into the Potions class, ten minutes late, therefore assuring they would attract all the attention possible as they entered the room. Banging the door open, the first thing they noticed, after the basic wide eyes and hanging jaws their uniforms usually attract, was how everyone immediately turned to look at Snape, gauging his reaction. To the Slytherins disappointment, however, aside from the fact that any color remaining left his face and his lips formed a thin, hard line, there was nothing, not a single snide comment. Unbeknownst to the students, the ANBU grinned evilly under their masks.

"Ah, Snape, my buddy, old pal! How are you on this wonderful, albeit slightly wet day?" Naruto crowed.

A vein ticked on the side of his head. Sasuke saw this and grinned, nudging Naruto in the ribs. Sasuke cocked his head to the side. "Man, Snape, you don't look too good? Was your coffin a little uncomfortable last night?"

Snape clenched his fists together, knuckles turning white.

"How incredibly rude of you Wolf! You know we were told to keep that a secret!" Some of the students closest to Snape inched away wearily, trying not to get caught in the line of fire.

Naruto heard someone whisper, "They came in here just to taunt Snape? I think they're suicidal, personally." He grinned. "Naw, we're just messing with ya Snapey! We came here to learn!"

Only a few people heard Sasuke's snort of amusement.

Seeing Snape looked like he wanted to throw them out, he added, "You wouldn't want to deny us that, would you?" The slight threat echoed in the dungeon.

"Of course not." Snape growled out through gritted teeth, wincing as he felt, rather than saw, the beam of the smile that adorned Naruto's face. "Excellent."

* * *

Five exploded cauldrons, three broken beakers, and nine biohazards later, Snape all but ushered everyone out of the classroom, barely refraining from pulling out his oily hair.

Naruto snickered as they disappeared into the shadows, watching the student file by them unaware.

"_I haven't had that much fun since the mission in Mist when we got to detonate the explosives by that one lord's castle!" _he exclaimed, practically dancing.

"_And to think, we still have one more class left to visit." _Sasuke pointed out. Naruto bobbed his head up and down in agreement. The two shinobi left the dungeons, heading for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

They were actually on time for once, having decided to skip going to lunch, and they perched on the window ledge in the middle of the classroom. Umbridge was not present, and the first students wouldn't be arriving for some time. As such, the shinobi began to get bored. As Umbridge would soon find out, bored shinobi get creative, and creativity isn't always a good thing.

When the first students began to arrive after an hour or so, they were greeted with blinding light reflecting off thousands of kunai lodged in almost every open bit of space. A few who had been in potions with the two smirked widely, anticipating the lesson to come, while the new ones gaped in open amazement at the picture before them. As for the ANBU themselves, they were still balanced on the window-sill, the only non-pin cushioned place in the room, looking almost innocent, the concept ruined by the kunai Sasuke was still twirling around his finger.

An irate Umbridge tried to shove past the students, wondering why no one had taken their seats. When she saw the pointy mess that now decorated her room, she turned a very interesting shade of puce, as Naruto took the liberty of kindly pointing out, "Umm…Umbridge? You don't look too good. Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing and lay down for a while."

Barely able to control her anger, she turned to the two shinobi, and said, "Now then, gentlemen, care to explain what happened here?"

Sasuke took the initiative to inform her of the past events.

"Well you see, we must have gotten the wrong time for the class, so we showed up more than a bit early. I, for one, got bored relatively fast, and Falcon here suggested that we play one of our favorite games: I Spy."

"What does that have to do with the knives in my classroom?!" Umbridge screeched.

"Obviously you haven't played I Spy Before," Naruto said, shaking his head sadly.

"Indeed it would appear that way," Sasuke agreed. "Care to give a demonstration, Falcon?"

"My pleasure," he responded, although something in his voice made it sound like it wouldn't be a pleasurable experience at all. "I spy, with my little eye…something…black and velvet!"

Appearing to look around the room, Sasuke's gaze came to rest on the bow on top of Umbridge's head, which was, coincidentally, black and velvet.

Completely out of the loop, Umbridge grew impatient. "Well?" she asked.

Abruptly bringing the spinning kunai to a stop, Sasuke flung it at the bow, ripping it right off the top of her head, impaling and pinning it against the stone wall with a sharp _clang. _

Umbridge screamed, her hands flying to her head. "You could have killed me!"

"Oh come on! There's no way I could have missed from this close," he gestured to the ten meters between them.

"Yeah, close…"she muttered weakly.

"What's the point of the game?" a student in the growing mass in the classroom asked.

"I'm glad you asked!" Naruto boasted. "You see, if I had been talking about a different object, Wolf would have had to do a punishment, like pick up all my kunai, or shine them, or give all his to me, something relevant like that. Since he made it, it would have been his turn to 'Spy' something, but alas, it's time for class to begin." He added, shaking his head sadly.

"How are we to sit down though?"

"Hmm…Wolf, do you want to fix that?"

Sasuke shrugged in reply, held out both his hands palms up, and quickly curled his fingers in. Half of the kunai rose up, levitating for a second before hurtling toward Sasuke at an incredible speed. A few students cried out in alarm before the came to a sudden stop inched from his face.

"These are yours, I believe," he said, and Naruto gathered them up, pocketing them in a bag he had next to his side.

Sasuke repeated the act once more, and soon the classroom looked like nothing had ever happened, save the numerous puncture holes scattered everywhere.

The class took their seats, and the lesson began.

* * *

The class had barely begun when it started. Hermione brought it up, arguing about the course aims. Soon, the whole class was involved, and it wasn't long before Harry said some things he shouldn't have, making Umbridge angrier than before. "Detention, Mr. Potter!" she screeched. It was at this point Naruto decided to intervene.

"Now, now, Umbridge, you're surely getting too worked up over this, don't you think?" his only reply was a scowl, but he continued on undaunted, "I think Harry here just needs a chance to share his feelings, as does everyone else now that I think about it. Yes, even you, 'Ministry Professional'. So now then," he quickly attached chakra strings to the desk and pulled them into a circle. He jumped down from the ledge, grabbed a hold of the professor, and jumped her into the middle of the circle. Umbridge was too astonished to say anything.

"Now then, let's start with you, Mr.…?" he began, pointing at a random student sitting in a desk to his right.

"L-L-Longbottom," was the stammered reply.

"Yes, Mr. Longbottom. Let's hear your likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, and fears," he said, ignoring Sasuke's incredulous snort from behind him. "We're going to finish today's lesson with a bit of soul searching, which can be very handy in a bad situation. For instance, if you know you're afraid of, say, spiders," there was a little whimper from Ron at that, "then if you encounter a giant one in the Forbidden Forest, you would know you should run instead of trying to take it on."

"Now see here, Falcon—" Umbridge began, but Sasuke cut her off. "No. You see here, Big Toad," he overlooked the giggles, "We are Captains to you, outranking you in every menial way. We are conducting the rest of today's lesson, and you are to go along with it. Have I made myself clear?"

She nodded, but that wasn't enough for Sasuke. "I said have I made myself clear?"

This time she managed to squeak out a petrified "Yes!" before falling down in fright, overcome by the threat that dripped off his every word.

"Good. Captain Falcon, please continue."

Stifling a laugh, Naruto continued, "Of course, Captain Wolf. Now then, Mr. Longbottom, you were saying…?"

The students left class that day more than a bit confused, having had to reveal things about themselves they had never given any though to before. The shinobi, however, were rather pleased at the outcome.

"That went rather well, don't you think?" Naruto asked Sasuke on the way out.

"I'm beginning to like the Big Toad." He responded with a smirk. "She scares easily."

"Yeah, too bad we leave tonight." Naruto said dejectedly. Then his mood brightened. "Malfoy and Moldywort, here we come."

* * *

In the Great Hall at dinner that night, after everyone had eaten, Dumbledore gestured for the shinobi to stand.

Already knowing what was happening, Sasuke spoke first. "Unfortunately, we have to take our leave tonight, although we have been here for only a short time," his head twitched to his left as he heard more then one sigh of relief from the Staff Table. Naruto took over from there, his loud, jubilant voice echoing in the Hall. "But don't you worry your pretty heads, we'll be back before Christmas!" With a slight bow from Naruto and a subtle nod from Sasuke, they both disappeared in a flurry of snow and leave.

Dumbledore sighed. "Shinobi, they always have to show off," he mumbled to himself.

* * *

**A/N: **Next chapter is in England. I will be picking random cities for their visits, so if they turn out to be hundreds of miles apart, just ignore that little fact. : ) Ok, beta'd version is up. Only a few typos, thankfully.

I'm going to respond to reviews! Yay!

**animeroxsmyworld: **Thanks for being my first reviewer! And I have no plans of giving up this story.

**UchihaMachi: **Your reviews make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Sasuke is OOC, but that's because he's no fun to write if he's acting all emo. And you were right, Sasuke is Wolf and Naruto is Falcon. I didn't want them to be Snake and Fox like every other story I read.

**Pawz4thought: **Thanks! I've been able to update quickly because I haven't been doing anything, and I have a lot of free time on my hands.

**Rena the pirate jedi wizard: **Hmmm…Fred and George, huh? That could be arranged. I think Naruto would enjoy helping them escape, don't you?

**icedragon54: **Thank you; I will!

**ElizibethKei-ElricAsakura: **Yeah, Umbridge is really fun to mess with. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. Not quite. : )

**InARealPickle: **Thanks for pointing out the comparison, I will be taking a very different course from the story I think you're referring to. I had fun coming up with the idea for I Spy. It seemed very ninja-y to me.

**Dark Reborn: **No problem! I'm just glad to get reviews! It seems not very many people like Umbridge. I can't imagine why. xD

**InweTiwele: **Thanks! I'll try.

**Crimsion-Child: **I hope I can keep updating this fast, most of the time I write one chapter during one day, with a few hours online. I don't know if I'll be able to do that again this week, but I'll try.

**Stoic Sol: **I almost did a guardians themed one, them I realized the site was over-run with them, and decided to do something where people could see Voldie more than usual. I'm glad you like it!

**Sapphire09: **Thank you! I'm happy people are enjoying it!

Read and review!!


	5. Art Class

**A/N: **Some more Harry and co. action this time. Umbridge is too fun to write. : )

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

**

* * *

**

Art Class

* * *

Professor Dolores Umbridge stared at the backs of the children leaving her classroom, some of the younger ones holding their hands quite delicately. It was all because of those cursed strangers that had left over a month ago! Even before her first class, she had lost any and all respect from the students at that school. Well, it wasn't her fault. The children would learn. Maybe. If not, they would just keep coming back for detention.

Fred and George sat in the common room, uncharacteristically quiet. The back of George's hand was still red from the night before. Ron had seen it, and was now talking to Hermione and Harry.

"We've got to do something about this," Ron whispered. "She's getting a big head. It's too bad those two blokes aren't here anymore. They would teach her a lesson."

"And if we don't do something, I think your brother's might." Harry added, noticing the plotting looks on the twins' faces.

"While I would normally disagree with you, this is getting out of hand," Hermione murmured. "Some of the first years are miserable, and they shouldn't be punished like this. It's too bad we can't write those two captains for advice."

"Maybe we can!" Harry said. "I can send Hedwig out to look for them with a letter. She can find anyone."

Hermione was the one to actually write the letter, outlining what the Defense teacher was doing, and including a subtle plea for help.

The letter was sent by the next morning.

Naruto and Sasuke sat perched on the side of a building in Suffolk, England. Naruto was pouting, although his mask hid it. He hated speaking English. The darn language made no sense! Silent letters? Who made that dumb idea up? And now Sasuke was making him talk in it for the rest of the mission, as long as they weren't under any pressure from spies. Add that to being stuck on recon duty was enough to make anyone cranky.

"Come on, Sasuke. We've been doing recon for a week, and I—"

"Hate recon. I know," Sasuke interrupted. "But because we've been doing recon, we know when two of Voldie's subordinates will be in town, and that they are going to meet up with the rest of the gang. This way, we can join their meeting, and learn more about out target."

"I don't care about any of that! Why can't we just go kill him and get it over with? It would save us a lot of time," he argued.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Sometimes the way to hurt a person the worst isn't just by killing him. Now tell me, what does Voldemort live for?"

"The destruction, pain and misery of others, yada yada ya. What are you getting at?" Naruto questioned.

With the patience of an Academy teacher, Sasuke said slowly, "All we have to do is mess up his plans, expose him fro the idiots who don't believe he's back, and then we can kill him."

"Oh…" Naruto said gradually, "I guess that would be a good idea…Yeah! We can also prank him, just like the Big Toad!"

Bouncing up and down with malicious glee, Naruto didn't notice the snowy owl silently swoop down. When it landed on his shoulder, he jumped up, barely managing to stifle a shout of surprise.

Sasuke just snorted in exasperation and unraveled the parchment on the bird's leg.

He read over the letter, sighing as he finished.

"Those little kids at the school miss us already," he said, shaking his head. "And speaking of the Big Toad, we have some work to do. How about trying out that jutsu I copied from Sai? With a few variations, of course."

Naruto skimmed over the letter, his grin growing more pronounced. Nodding in reply to Sasuke's question, he turned the parchment over, scrawled a reply with a pencil from his ANBU bag, and tied it back on the owl's leg.

"I hope the kiddies enjoy art class," he said before addressing the owl, "Back where it came from."

The great bird blinked once before taking off, flying off into the night.

A few nights later, Harry received the simple reply.

_Done._

Fred and George were up in the Owlery, arguing over a letter's contents.

"No, you see? It shouldn't say 'With respect,' at the end! That makes it sound, I don't know, just…weird."

"Well do you have a better idea? This guy is really picky on selling his creatures, and we really need one!" George countered.

Fred scowled. "I guess you're right, but—" he was interrupted by a large brown bird of prey swooping into the room. It landed on the floor in front of the twins with a sharp clank. The golden eagle looked appraisingly at the wizards, then hopped over next to them, satisfied with what it saw. The twins stared in amazement, unsure of what to do. The bird looked…deadly. Nothing else described it. Each of its four claws had a metal casing surrounding it, sharpened to a point. While they were gawking, the raptor was becoming more and more impatient. It wasn't trained to sit around waiting all day. It leaped even closer, and then pointedly turned around, revealing the small package attached to its back.

"Oh…" Fred said. "I guess this is kind of like an owl. I wonder who it's from."

He reached down and snapped off the container. After unbuttoning the flap at the top, he pulled out a container of a strange blue liquid. Attached to the side was a note that read:

_It is time to get even. She has become complacent in our absence. Spread this around in her office, classroom, anywhere she goes. You have until this Monday to complete this, and then we will strike. Do not spill a drop of the liquid anywhere you don't want a nasty surprise to be. Do not let us down._

At the bottom of the short note, all there was as a signature was a simple paw print.

"It must be from Wolf," Fred assumed as he handed the instructions to George. "He and Falcon are the only people daft enough to prank that lady."

"Besides us," George amended.

"Of course," Fred replied with a grin.

Three days later, all had been set up. No one knew what was going to happen, but they knew it would be big. Ron and Harry had been jumpy all over weekend break, and Hermione was barely able to keep calm herself.

Fred and George, on the other hand, were totally unable to repress their malevolent delight at some of their ideas at what they believed was going to happen. After all, anything was possible, if the first prank had been a warm-up. And they, at least, knew the proper areas to avoid at the start of the week.

Monday arrived with sleet and a bone-chilling cold that marked the end of the summer months.

Ron shivered as he walked into Transfiguration. "What a day! Even on bright and sunny days they're completely unbearable, but now we have to drag ourselves out of bed early in the morning when it's completely freezing outside! Blimey, today couldn't get much worse."

Harry grunted in reply, not fully awake yet. He sat down, and prepared himself for a long day.

After stumbling through Charms and a stuffy Potions class, the trio made their way towards their least favorite class.

As they walked in the room, they noticed Umbridge pointing her wand at random squiggles of ink all around her classroom, shouting, rather hoarsely, "Scourgify! Scourgify!" When that didn't work, she switched spells and yelled, "Terego! Terego! Terego!" She seemed to be getting more desperate by the minute, a wild, scared look in her eyes.

Behind the fifth years, a quite snort of amusement was heard, and when they turned around, all they saw was a retreating flash of red hair.

"I should have known Fred and George had something to do with this." Ron muttered, taking a seat.

Hermione scowled. "They shouldn't do stuff like this!"

"Why does it matter? They do stuff like this all the time!" Ron argued.

Hermione flushed. "But not with Umbridge! This lady is vile! You've seen the punishments she gives for the slightest infraction of the rules. Imagine what she'll do now that her personal things have been messed with," she whispered.

Before Ron could answer, the bell signifying the start of class rang. He muttered something under his breath and turned away.

Somewhere in Suffolk, the two shinobi sat at a small café, dressed in civilian clothes. Naruto was munching on a pastry, and Sasuke was looking at his watch.

"Ya' tink it' time?" Naruto mumbled through a mouth full of food.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Yes, I think it is time."

Naruto swallowed, grinning sheepishly. "That's what I said," he protested. On a second thought, he added, sarcastically, "So, anyway, you want to release the technique before nightfall or what?"

Rolling his eyes once again, Sasuke muttered something about idiots, inconspicuously flashed through a series of seals under the table, then whispered "Release". Pleased with the feeling of a little bit of chakra disappearing; he knew that it was successful, he leaned back in his chair and ordered some more tea.

Back at Hogwarts, Umbridge was sitting behind her desk, glaring spitefully at the ink splatters on the walls. It just wouldn't come off! She had tried every cleaning spell she could think of, and they hadn't even faded. At least she could have some peace and quiet while the brats were reading from their useless books.

She was just about to relax when a sudden gust of warm air blew through the room. Something about it felt off. Like it was created by magic. In all, she was only half wrong.

Suddenly, the splatters of ink began to peel themselves off the walls. Umbridge shrieked as the spiraled around in the air, slowly taking some sort of shape. She shot a jinx at the one closest to her, but all it did was run straight through, hitting a picture on the back wall and leaving a scorch mark.

She screamed again, this time more in frustration and rage than anything else. The blobs were starting to take shape now, a wild menagerie of animals, mystical and muggle. Three separate splatters that had been looking dog-like crashed together, leaving one giant three-headed dog.

"You know, mate? That one there reminds me of Fluffy." Ron whispered to Harry, pointing at the large canine as it whisked across the room, somehow managing to produce a lifelike growling roar while it ran in the air toward the professor's desk. Upon reaching its destination, it barked one last time, and then hit the desk with a loud crack, spraying multi-colored ink everywhere around it and simultaneously leaving a realistic impression of a dog baying at the moon. It would be an understatement to say Umbridge was a little unhappy.

The students laughed with malicious glee as they watched their Defense teacher's face change colors like a kaleidoscope. Going from a sickly and pasty pale color to a puce that could rival Uncle Vernon's, she proceeded to try to banish the remaining animals. Once again, this yielded no rewards. They just continued to prance around, content in their short lives.

After a whole class spent tying to destroy the creatures, the room was totally covered in vibrant "art". The students walked out, already plotting on how to best spread the news of yet another prank. However, when the first students entered the Great Hall for lunch, they saw that the chair that Umbridge usually occupied looked like it had been painted by a bunch of artistic pranksters. Those who had not been in her Defense Against the Dark Arts class stared in wonder, while those who knew what was going on burst out laughing.

A loud scream of anger came from the Entrance Hall. Professor Umbridge had just seen the newest additions to the art that was sweeping the school, and she was quite unhappy. "When I find who was responsible for this, they will pay!" She shrieked as she stormed to find the Headmaster.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat down at their table, and Ron chuckled again.

"Today has been good to us. I will remember that old toad's face for all eternity!" he said before piling food onto his plate.

"I just can't believe Fred and George were the cause of all this." Hermione pondered.

"You three have no faith in us," declared Fred, who had, unbeknownst to the fifth years, walked up behind them and Hermione was talking.

"It actually wasn't our idea at all, if you get what I'm saying," George said, winking.

Comprehension dawned on Hermione. "So that's what those two did. I didn't expect they would use innocent students, though."

Ron choked on the pieced of meat he was wolfing down. "Are you daft Hermione? Since when are those two 'innocent'?"

Turning an interesting shade of pink, she retorted, "You know what I mean, Ronald. If they are going to try to get away with something that big, at least they could put their own lives and reputations on the line!"

"You know, we did ask them for help." Harry inserted.

"And you'll never let me forget that!" Hermione growled as she got up and stormed off.

Ron just shrugged. "She's probably heading to the library."

Meanwhile, up in the Headmaster's office an irate Professor Umbridge was pacing the floor, griping about the state of her classroom.

"I just know it was those two that left a month ago! I have no doubt about it!"

"Madam Umbridge, you know as well as I do that they couldn't have done it. We don't even know where they are right now."

"They must have gotten a student to do it! Someone has to be punished!" She was screaming now, and Dumbledore looked like he had a major headache.

"If I find anything out, I will take the proper disciplinary measures, but it was just a harmless prank. There is nothing dangerous about a little bit of paint," he tried to reason.

As Umbridge looked about to screech again, he added, "And if you don't lower your voice, I will be forced to ask you to leave my office."

Eyes flaming with anger, she stalked out of the room. Dumbledore breathed a sigh of relief. She was impossible.

The full moon hung overhead like a lantern, illuminating the normally dark streets and casting eerie shadows down the dark alleys where tall buildings blocked the small rays of light. A lone figure walked out of a pathway beside the main street, and then appeared to melt back into the shadows once he was assured all was clear.

Not ten minutes later a pair of wizards clad in black robes sauntered down the road, clearly at ease and sure of their abilities.

A figure on a roof above snorted at their obvious arrogance. With the grace of a cat, he slipped down a pole attached to the side of the house, and then gently tugged a wire running alongside the length of the house in the alley. He felt the response on the other end. He counted five seconds, and then Flickered out into the middle of the street. The two wizards stopped in surprise, staring. Slowly, in comparison, they drew their wands at the stranger in front of them.

"Too late," a voice whispered from behind them.

Before they could turn around, a hard blow sent them both spiraling into unconsciousness.

"You're coming with us," the speaker's white falcon mask gleamed in the moonlight.

* * *

**A/N:** So, yeah… The two spells Umbridge used were just cleaning spells, the only ones I could find. Sorry about the multiple postings, I realized I forgot to say this: This is now the edited version. Luckily my only problem was my inability to use proper English and a few minor typos. Read and review!!

To my wonderful reviewers:

**FumetsuKaji: **Hmm...Fan clubs. That could turn out very interesting, and annoying for our favorite witch.

**knighted lioness: **Heheh, sorry! I'm terrible at any attempt at pairings, so I have decided not to ruin a perfectly good fic with my abysmal attempts. Glad you like the story though!

**CCSLover13: **Sasuke can be very scary at times, although I still find it hard to feel too sorry for Umbridge. Especially since I know what's planned for her. -evil grin-

**ElizibethKei-ElricAsakura: **Torture is a very cruel, hard, acurate word. And I totally agree that Sasuke is insanely boring when he's all emo.


	6. Pretty in Pink

**A/N: **Sorry about the long wait. I swear my English teacher hates me, and my beta/sister disappeared at inopportune times, so the last page or so hasn't been beta'd. Anyhow, now it's time for our two favorite ANBU captains! I thought I would also reiterate that there will be no pairings, except for possibly the cannon Harry/Cho, but that would last as long as it did in the book, and even then, maybe not.

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, **Ravendo**, **FantomoDrako**, **Bloodyredshade**, **PrincessVictoriaAnnMacbeth**, **joseph33759**, **BakaProductions**, **Dark Reborn**, **InARealPickle**, **Raven Marcus**, **FumetsuKaji**, **Rena the pirate jedi wizard**, and **crimson-88**. You guys rock!

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

**

* * *

**

Pretty in Pink

* * *

Sasuke chuckled darkly under his breath as he waltzed out of the room. Well, as much as an Uchiha would waltz, admittedly. Naruto looked up from a bright green book from his comfortable position in a comfy chair and raised an eyebrow saying, "That was fast."

Snorting, Sasuke replied with a smirk, "I only had to point a kunai at that Pierce guy, and he was singing like a little birdie. I decided to leave Rookwood until after the meeting, and find out more then. It wouldn't be good if we were late, and he seems more… composed then the other one. I plan on fixing that."

Grunting in reply, Naruto stood up and threw his book down on the small table in front of him. "I won't ask what you plan to do with him," he paused, then continued with a mischievous grin, "after all, you are the torture expert." He finished this with a mocking bow, before sprinting up to his room, narrowly missing the shuriken that hit the wall where his head had been mere seconds before.

* * *

Hearing his partner curse under his breath as he tripped yet again on the ridiculous robes worn by the Death Eaters, Sasuke coughed to cover up a laugh. "You know, the Hokage robes are a lot like this. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if you couldn't walk in a straight line when you become Hokage? Imagine that for the ceremony, you face-planting it in front of the whole village. Don't worry, I'll get a picture so you can see it later." He was thankful for the masks yet again, for although he said it in a serious voice, he was positive he wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if he could see Naruto's reaction. Thankfully, Naruto just growled and tried to walk faster, not that that helped any as he spiraled out onto the ground.

"I'll have you know," Naruto began as he got back up, "the Hokage robes are _totally_ different. You can actually fight in them, they weigh less, and they look ten times cooler than these strips of fabric."

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say."

Naruto was about to retort back, but Sasuke held up a hand to silence him.

"Shh… That's the building we were told to meet in for the information gathering. Remember, we're supposed to be getting orders from Voldie to pick up something of extreme importance to him."

Naruto nodded his head in acceptance, and then straightened his clothes. Together, at a fairly slow pace, they walked in.

* * *

Naruto only had to blink for his eyes to readjust to the dim lighting in the warehouse. Seriously, a warehouse? He couldn't believe how conspicuous these guys were. There were absolutely no protection spells that he could feel, and they didn't even have a sentry posted. These guys were just begging to get caught.

The two shinobi stepped silently into the large, open room, and no one noticed. Sasuke, with Naruto's impatient personality finally rubbing off on him, coughed quietly into his hand. The effect was instantaneous. The other three Death Eaters jumped up from their chairs, wands at the ready, a few of them mumbling curses at being surprised. Naruto just snorted.

"Oh, it's just you two," one of them said, pocketing his wand and sitting back down. Everyone else, save one Death Eater, also sat. "Well don't just stand there, come sit down!" he ordered.

Shrugging, Sasuke led the way to two chairs and gracefully lowered himself into the chair, Naruto following suit.

"Now then, our first- and only- order of business," the head began, "is written in this letter." He waved one around. "I have taken the liberty to read it already, and will just tell you the main point. The Dark Lord has become rather unhappy in our appearance, and has ordered us to 'clean up a bit', as he put it. He included designs for new robes and masks, which he expects no later than a fortnight from now. There are copies for each of you." He handed them out, and groans were voiced among the gathered. Except for two, but no one noticed that.

"Leave it out! These are stupid designs! There's no way the Dark Lord would make us wear something like that!" one particularly aghast wizard yelled.

The leader of the group just shrugged. "I'm not going to question His orders. Though I'm sure He would _appreciate_ your comments."

The Death Eater gulped audibly, and didn't voice any more complaints.

Coughing to regain their attention, the man continued, "I need you two to get the new masks, and you two to get the robes," he said, pointing to the unknown Death Eaters and the shinobi respectively. "We'll meet back in two weeks."

With those words, the other Death Eaters disapparated, leaving the ANBU alone.

Naruto smirked. "I can't believe that worked. Anyway, now it's my turn."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Yes, the all knowing master of blowing things up. I swear, half the time it's only an accident."

Besides from a low mumbling about no one appreciating his talents, Naruto ignored his partner in sabotage, proceeding to decorate the inside of the warehouse in an almost comical fashion with exploding notes, taking his time and having a blast. Sasuke just stood off to the side and rolled his eyes.

* * *

The two shinobi arrived back at their campsite early in the morning, carrying what looked like tough, manly fabric to the outside world, but underneath the genjutsu, was pink and frilly. Yes, our two ANBU captains were going to learn how to sew dres—robes. Yes, robes; just like the Hokage ones.

Naruto sat down by the fire, easily ignoring the muffled shouts of protest from above in a tree with years of practice, and pulled out a senbon.

Sasuke sighed and rolled his eyes. "Honestly Naruto, that is way too big for sewing."

"Is not! I bet I could use it _and_ make a robe ten times better than yours!" Naruto replied indigently.

Snorting, Sasuke just shook his head and pulled out a fine needle from the plastic bag sitting on top of the fabric.

Naruto huffed, and tried to tie a piece of string around the senbon.

* * *

Five hours and ten times that many bandages later, Naruto had thrown the shredded robes into the dust and was grumbling angrily to himself. He glared balefully at the line of near perfect robes now hanging from the tree across from him, and added in a snarl in Sasuke's general direction for good measure. The _perfect_ Uchiha had to be a master at sewing too, of course. He probably copied it with that stupid Sharingan.

Having forgone the senbon in favor of barrowing one of his partner's finer needles, Naruto had soon learned the fine art of sewing. Or, more precisely, how exactly _not_ to do it. Everything he did seemed to be wrong. First he just ripped the fabric. Basic mistake. Then, when he tried to fix it, the tear just kept getting bigger. It proceeded to grow until it was cleaved in two, and, with Naruto's luck, one end just happened to gently drift into the fire. No, it was not his night.

On the other hand, Sasuke was fairing well. He had finished five robes in half as many hours, and was now placing his needles back in his backpack. He glanced at Naruto, who was still glaring at the left over strip of fabric.

"Be glad we only needed five of them anyway, just enough for the peons going on that raid right after our deadline. Unofficial raid, of course."

A fox-like smile was his reply. "Of course."

* * *

The two weeks passed slowly, consisting mostly of training and attempting to learn more about what the wizards called "wandless magic", which sounded rather idiotic. Shouldn't everyone be able to defend themselves without the need of a piece of wood?

Sasuke and Naruto were sitting in their "borrowed" house when a loud screech echoed throughout the room. Sasuke groaned, tossed the book he was reading on the art towards his partner, donned his mask, and walked to the Holding Room. To his dismay, crumpled to the ground was Harold Pierce. His bindings had been wrapped around his neck, and the Unspeakable was trying to scoot away and hide his bare feet. Sighing, Sasuke rubbed his temples with two fingers. Although the ability to kill someone with your feet was practical most of the time, now it was only a nuisance.

"Come on now, Rookwood. I was still using him. Now I have to clean up the mess and do something with the body." He shook his head and sounded like he was scolding a wayward child.

"Ha! This weakling should've been killed ages ago for giving out my Lord's secrets just under the threat of torture! He is a coward and a disgrace to the cause!"

Sasuke grunted without sympathy. "I could care less. As your punishment for killing a perfectly useful specimen, he will stay with you for a while." He ignored the protests from behind him as he locked the door and returned to the main room.

"I swear, those Death Eaters are worse than Akatsuki with their 'purifying the world' ideas." He mumbled as he grabbed the book back from Naruto.

"Oh dear," Naruto said, not really concerned. "What happened this time?"

"Rookwood killed Pierce," Sasuke stated, once again rubbing the side of his head.

"Drat it," he mumbled, moving his finger down a list of spells he had written down. "Do we need another one then?"

"I think the Unspeakable will do for now. After all, the raid is tomorrow night, and we could just give him and the dead one to Dumbledore when we go back."

"Uh huh," Naruto replied, before suddenly sticking his hand out and screaming "_Incendio_!"

Sasuke blinked at the offending hand. "Was that supposed to do something?"

* * *

The morning of October 4th found the students of Hogwarts in a good mood. The next day was the first Hogmeade visit of the year, and it was Friday. Everybody loves Friday.

Hermione was sitting at the Gryffindor table waiting for Harry and Ron to arrive, anticipating the next day and hoping Harry wouldn't back out of the idea of teaching a different Defense Against the Dark Arts class before Saturday. The objects of her thoughts trudged into the Great Hall in true teenager fashion. They sat down, and Ron immediately began piling his plate with food before even trying to greet his friend.

Hermione just rolled her eyes and look expectantly at Harry. He smiled weakly and was about to say something when the owls began to arrive. Most of the students looked up for their own owls, while Hermione searched for the tawny owl that had recently been delivering the Daily Prophet. She was not disappointed, and she soon had the new edition. She gave a small gasp of surprise when she saw the cover story.

**Pretty in Pink?**

_Last night, five rogue wizards wearing what appears to be an altered version of the feared Death Eater's robes were seen attacking a small muggle town in west England. That is, we think they are Death Eaters. The new robes are a stylish cut, reminiscent of fashions from twenty years ago, and are neon pink in color._

_While the robes were a cause for confusion, the masks themselves were more humorous than scary. The plain white had been discarded in lieu of a more colorful theme. As shown in the picture below, a rather liberal view of the Dark Mark has been depicted on the masks. _

_Who would do something like this? Have some of the old Death Eaters gotten together for a reunion, or is this an elaborate prank by some youngsters with nothing better to do?_

**For more details on the attack, turn to page three. **

**For style tips, turn to page five.**

**For sale's information, turn to page six.**

The masks themselves were a piece of art. Still porcelain white, they now sported comical drawings on each one; a smiling serpent with upturned eyes coming out from a large clown-like mouth. The snake was the same shade of pink as the robes, and there were even little intricate roses adorning the sides of the mask.

To say she was flabbergasted wouldn't have been enough. The usual roar of the Hall dimmed to whispers speculating the truth, before the loud guffaws of the Weasley echoed through the room. Their noise broke the near silent barrier, and soon there were shouts of exclamation from all the tables. Umbridge's jaw was slack as she read over the article, and Dumbledore's normally pleasantly twinkling eyes had gained a new shine to them, as if he had received a hidden message from the paper. Sitting next to Hermione, Ron's expression nearly mirrored Umbridge's, and Harry seemed too surprised to speak.

* * *

Dumbledore looked at the Daily Prophet, amused. He knew of only two people brave or stupid enough to attempt something like this, depending on whose view you took. The fact that one exceptionally silly Death Eater was surreptitiously making shadow-puppets in the firelight in the background just affirmed his suspicions. He briefly wondered whom the ANBU had accosted to take their place. Hopefully it was no one too conspicuous.

* * *

The Dark Lord extraordinaire was Not Happy, and bad things tended to happen when he was Not Happy, as his loyal Death Eaters had discovered. With glowing crimson eyes, he observed the cowed minions in front of him. Even though it had only been five of the insufferable idiots making fools of themselves, it had still been a large blow to the reputation of his forces as a whole, and that's not even counting the fact that it was an unsanctioned attack. When he found out who was responsible for this, they would _pay_.

"Lucius," he hissed. "Who were those five imprudent enough to wear something like that?"

"My Lord," Lucius began, sweeping into a low bow. "Two of them were new recruits, and the others were Pierce, Rookwood, and Aubrey."

"Those imbeciles! What did they hope to accomplish? It's a good thing they chose not to show their faces tonight… Not that it will help them. Listen up! You _will_ find them and bring them here. Failure will not be tolerated, and any who _do_ fail will share their fate."

There was a visible stiffening of those assembled, before they bowed and mumbled, "Of course, my Lord," as they apparated away.

* * *

Sasuke threw the pillow at Naruto's head, overlooking the battle cry as the ANBU jerked out of bed with a kunai in each hand. He shook his head. Sometimes Naruto over-reacted.

"We have to get going soon if we want to make it to Hogwarts before nightfall."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah… Sure, whatever…" Naruto mumbled, trudging to the small kitchen. He was on autopilot as he made a bowl of ramen, still blinking sleepily. It was way too early to be awake.

Sasuke ignored the still half-asleep blond and proceeded to finish packing their things, sealing them away in light scrolls. The less weight the better on long journeys.

* * *

It was a long trip, crossing over numerous cities and even hitching a ride across several large bodies of water, but the captains made it to Hogsmeade in barely six hours. To their surprise, they were met with more than half the student body traipsing around. They discretely drew the hoods on their clocks up, and strolled into the nearest pub, which just happened to be the Hog's Head. They sauntered over to the bar, ordering butterbeer and observing the rest of the occupants. The bar seemed unusually empty, compared to the lively Three Broomsticks not too far away, and the two ANBU were definitely not the only ones obscuring their faces with hoods.

The door opened once again, a draft of cool air blowing in, and three teenagers made their way into the room, glancing around nervously.

"Hmm… That one looks familiar…" Naruto mused, squinting at the raven-haired member of the trio.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No, really? It's only the most famous boy in the wizarding world, whom we are supposed to be watching."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

They watched the three order butterbeer and sit down, appearing to wait for more people. More students began to arrive, and Potter was looking more and more pale with each one. He whispered something furiously to the witch, and gulped nervously as the last groups of people meandered in.

The girl, Granger, or something like that, began by talking about the aims of the so-called "study group", looking very uneasy. The semi-innocent conversation turned to a full out debate when a blond boy in yellow questioned Potter's authenticity. The ANBU almost stepped in when it looked like a few students were getting pretty into it, when Potter acted surprisingly mature and calmed the crowd down with a few well-spoken words.

Naruto grumbled as he readjusted himself on the chair, "Were we half that bad when we were their age?"

"No," Sasuke began, and Naruto smiled. "We were worse."

Scoffing, Naruto turned his attention back to the wizards, who were now talking about when and where to have the meetings.

"They could at least _try_ to be a bit less conspicuous."

"They're civilians, give them a break." Sasuke reminded.

"Well, I still think they're too comfortable just spewing out plans of a delicate nature where anyone and their summons could hear them," Naruto said, glaring at the wooden bar.

"Let's fix that, then," Sasuke suggested, a malicious smirk adjourning his face.

Naruto's replying grin was none less lethal. "Yes, let's," he murmured, slipping on his falcon mask.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, another chapter done! Hopefully the poor ickle kiddies won't be too scared… I hope ya'll enjoy it, and I also hope I won't be so slow with the next one. Oh wow. Quite a few hopes...


	7. Food Fight

**A/N: **Well. I feel bad. I should've updated months ago. My apologies. But, I am in need of a beta; just someone to go over for spelling mistakes and such, as my sister/beta has left. If anyone is interested, just PM me. I moved this story to the crossover section, because that's what it is.

For anyone who cares enough, the meeting in the Hog's Head occurred on October 5th, a Saturday, and I'm just scooting up a week to suit my needs.

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers**,**** winddragonpowers**, **Rena the pirate jedi wizard**, **sniper757**,** Tree of Angels**, **Ichigo Mirai**, **spanksizzle27**, **Not Yet Knowing**, and **sakura's conscience**. You guys inspire me. ^-^

Disclaimer: _(that has totally been here the whole time_) None of what you recognize is mine, which should be painfully obvious.

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon thoughts/words.

**

* * *

**

Food Fight

* * *

Harry was surprised when they managed to get everyone to sign Hermione's parchment without much commotion, even the belligerent Zacharias Smith. Why that surly Hufflepuff even showed up was beyond him. Now all they had to do was find a good meeting place…

Hermione walked over to him, the list in her hands, and a smile on her face. "Harry! We have 29 people who signed up!" she chattered excitedly.

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this," he groaned.

Hermione just smirked and was about to put the parchment into her bag when a soft voice from behind them said, "Now, what have we here?"

* * *

Smirking slightly under his mask, Sasuke reached forward and plucked the list of names from the young girl's hands. Her eyes widened and she started spluttering something about it not being her fault, or some such nonsense. He just shook his head, and frowned at Naruto, who was standing behind him, when he heard him snickering.

"_Be serious, idiot,"_ He chided under his breath, turning away as he felt Naruto's glare on his back as he brought his attention back to the wizard and witch in front of him.

"What appears to be the problem?" he inquired in his special "Captain's Voice", as Naruto had named it. The certain pitch of it, along with releasing just enough chakra into the air to be considered threatening, usually sent the rookies running for cover and the braver recruits shaking in their shoes.

The girl, whose last name was something common that he hadn't bothered to learn, opened her mouth to say something, before changing her mind and closing it with a sharp sound.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. What a waste of potential talent. If only they could have been good liars as well.

Naruto laughed louder this time, causing the students who hadn't already left to notice the two ANBU captains. Many shocked gasps echoed throughout the room, and Sasuke resisted the urge to sigh loudly. Apparently these children hadn't been taught to observe their surroundings.

Ignoring the new attention, Naruto chuckled again, softer this time, and continued, with an underlying edge of derisiveness that undoubtedly went over the students' heads, "Why, I had heard that your _beloved_ house of Gryffindor was renowned for its bravery. Apparently I was misinformed." The sneer that was hidden by the mask was apparent in his tone.

The brunette puffed up at this, and stated in a voice that squeaked at only the first few words, "Well! We were merely getting together a study group."

Sasuke shook his head. "And I'm sure that this wouldn't be a thing like insubordination, as your current Defense teacher clearly knows and approves of this extra study time, correct?"

As the witch stammered once again, and the red-haired boy who had walked over stood sounding out "insubordination" under his breath, while the Potter boy squared his shoulders, stuck his chin into the air just a tad, and said softly, yet clearly, "She has no idea what we're doing, because she also doesn't have any idea how to teach." He got quieter and quieter towards the end, and when he finished, the flush that had been creeping up the back of his neck was visible. A beat after, he boldly added, "As I'm sure you already know."

Sasuke snorted in an answer. "Quite."

Snickering again, Naruto turned towards the door. "Well, it's time for us to be off. Before we leave, I have a suggestion," he overlooked the five unnamed students in varying colors and stared into the green eyes of Potter. "If I were you, which I'm glad I'm not, by the way, I would look around the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy on the seventh floor. Meander around there for a while, and see what you can see." With a cheery wave, the two shinobi walked out of the pub, leaving befuddled teenagers in their wake.

* * *

Hermione blinked repeatedly as the two odd individuals left. What had been the purpose of that? Wolf had had a voice like Snape on a bad day, and Falcon seemed to have a severe case of bi-polar disorder. From sneers to helpful comments in the span of a few minutes, his behavior did not appear to be completely stable. And the _feeling_ that had engulfed the room when Wolf had questioned them was almost unearthly. She had felt like a hand was slowly squeezing around her heart, making her break out in sweat and her heart rate increase. It scattered her normally organized mind. It wasn't unlike the feeling of the dementors. She shook such thoughts from her mind. No use fretting over that until she could research in the library. But the hint of a room on the seventh floor… That deserved some consideration as well.

* * *

Naruto whistled as he walked toward the school. That had been fun, and the students should be on their toes for a while. He was brought out of his musing by Sasuke's question.

"Eh? What was that?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I asked what you did with those Death Eaters we captured. You said you had 'taken care of them', but I distinctively remember telling you to keep them alive. "

Chuckling, Naruto responded, "No worries, cap'n," he winked and laughed as Sasuke grunted, "I sent someone to pick them up. They should be delivered some time this week."

"If you say so."

Practically skipping, Naruto refrained from chortling evilly. That wouldn't convince Sasuke of his sanity. There was no need for him to worry about small matters like that when there was a certain toad to torture. Unofficially, of course.

In the dark recesses of Naruto's mind, a low, rough voice cackled when its jailer could not. Amusement was coming.

* * *

Dumbledore's eyes sparkled with laughter as two shadows appeared in his office.

"It certainly took you long enough to get back, boys. Lemon drop?"

The two young ANBU shrugged and removed their masks, taking one of the small candies offered.

"No worries, Dumbledore," Naruto said with a large grin as he sucked on the sweet, "We remembered your present."

He smiled in return. "How kind of you, my boy! What consideration!"

"Yeah… There's a slight problem. They—it, it, that is," Naruto stumbled, "were a little too big for out hawks to carry. So, _it_ should be here in a few days," he finished, rubbing his hand on the back of his head sheepishly.

Sasuke sighed in exasperation, shaking his head. Yes sir, they were the best assassins, trackers, and liars in the Fire Country. Most of the time, at least.

Dumbledore didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he overlooked it, choosing instead to keep talking.

"Well, I'm sure that you two will be needing your suites back, yes? And we'll have to expand the staff table again, send out warnings to your two favorite teachers—"

The shinobi tuned him out as he rattled off a list of things to get accomplished before dinner, and soon slipped out with the old headmaster none the wiser. Or so they thought.

"Ah, the wonders of the shinobi world. This year will be interesting, to say the least," he muttered to himself before he turned back

* * *

Severus Snape was not having a good day. He absolutely loathed the new first year Hufflepuffs. They had even less spine, if that was possible, than the infamous class of 1991, which had terrorized him until they had reached their sixth year, when they were all able to finally drop the class. He didn't know who felt the most relief, himself or the students.

Busy muttering to himself, Severus didn't notice the thin wire stretched across the floor at the bottom of the stairwell. When he made to step past it, some hidden being pulled it taut, sending the potions master sprawling gracelessly onto the floor.

Enraged, he jumped to his feet, bellowing "PEEVES!"

He stormed off to find the offending poltergeist, never hearing the quiet snickers from the alcove above him.

* * *

Sasuke smirked in the low light in the hallways. Ah, to have others take the blame for you. The world was good. He looked at Naruto to his right, red eyes glinting through the holes in his mask. Nodding at the unspoken question, Naruto dropped to the floor without a sound, followed by Sasuke a second later. It was almost dinnertime, and they an entrance to plan.

* * *

Ron glowered at his plate. They had run into Umbridge on the way in, and Harry had barely managed to avoid another detention. True, she had a way with getting under people's skin, but Harry needed to learn to not take her seriously. She was just waiting for another reason to make every student's life miserable.

Shaking his head, Ron looked up at the staff table. Dumbledore was talking quietly to McGonagall, but next to her there were two empty seats. He pointed this out to Hermione, who just smiled and laughed softly.

"You mean you've forgotten this afternoon already?" she asked.

Ron gasped with realization. "Oh no."

Hermione just nodded. "Oh yes. They're back." The last part was said with a slightly sadistic grin. "Rumor on the grapevine is that they have already had a run in with Professor Snape."

Ron rolled his eyes at the title, but noticed that Snape's mood did seem to be darker than usual. He glared out into the masses, and more than one Hufflepuff cowered in his seat.

Ron could only pray that Snape's mood would be better by Monday, but if those two strange people were back for long, then that would be unlikely.

* * *

Naruto was humming again. Sitting up in the rafters above the students, he observed everyone's position. Dumbledore had only glanced up once, and he was positive that the old professor had winked at him. What an odd man.

Shaking the thoughts forcefully out of his head, Naruto looked across the room at Sasuke and flashed him three quick hand signals. Bring the chaos. Sasuke gave him a look through the mask that told him he was an idiot. But Naruto just smiled and flapped his hand in a 'get along' gesture. He could imagine the exasperated sigh that came along next, but ignored it in favor of looking back below him. Time for some terrorizing.

He felt the chakra building up as Sasuke readied his genjutsu, and smirked. The slight wave of power washed over him, and he watched the pandemonium start.

* * *

Dumbledore sighed on the outside, but his eyes still twinkled as he watched the madness begin in the Great Hall. He knew the two shinobi were behind this, probably the young Uchiha with the bloodline-limit that he found so fascinating.

A sixth year from Ravenclaw screamed in outrage at some unknown thing. The same thing was happening to upper year girls in all of the houses. One particularly irate Gryffindor sneered at the Weasley twins before digging into them. Even from the staff table, Dumbledore could hear her clearly.

"What was that for? Why you—" Her yell broke off when she reached for her wand and banished a plate of food in their general direction. Other girls who felt they had been wronged quickly followed suit. Mayhem ensued.

* * *

Naruto was laughing so hard he almost fell of the rafters. Who knew girls cared some much about their clothes that they would attack people after being released from a genjutsu making them believe a few… less than savory boys hed drenched them in juice?

He looked down towards the teachers, and nearly cried with joy at the look on Snape's face. Besides being livid with rage, the surly professor was also diving for cover under the long table; sauce from whatever mystery meat was served that day staining his hair and robes.

He glanced over at his partner in crime, who gestured down at the Defense professor. Umbridge wasn't fairing much better. Many students were happy for a chance to get their vendetta while they had the opportunity to remain anonymous, and if more than a few threw different spells along with the food towards her, who was going to rat them out?

Jerking as a wayward apple hit him, he glared over at Sasuke, who just shrugged and tapped his wrist impatiently. Naruto sighed. Fun time was over.

* * *

Hermione gasped once again as she was hit in the back of the head by a scoop of pudding. At least she had managed to save her books from being ruined, but her hair was not so lucky. She looked over at her two friends, who were enjoying themselves immensely. Was everyone in this school immature? She reached over and whacked Ron upside the head. He turned and looked at her with a hurt expression.

"What?"

She raised her eyebrows in disbelief, and was about to answer him when the doors to the Great Hall burst open with a _bang_, followed by a freezing breeze. Most students stopped mid-throw, while others let a few more things fly before gaping at who stood in the doorway.

"Wow. This is definitely a different décor than we have a home, eh Wolf?"

"Indeed it is, Falcon."

Decked out in full uniform, the two captains sounded amused as they viewed the mess that was the Great Hall.

Dumbledore was the first say or do anything. "Ah yes. We don't know who decided to redecorate, but I find I rather like it," he said, eyes twinkling.

Umbridge was turning an unpleasant shade of purple as she glared at the newcomers, and shouted out, "I just know you two are behind this! And rest assured, I will make you pay!"

Falcon just snorted, "Yeah. Get right on that, Toady," which caused a tic to appear over her eye.

"Anyways… I'm kinda hungry, Dumbledore. Is there anything left on the plates, or do I get what's left on the walls?" Naruto quipped as he sauntered up to the staff table with Wolf next to him.

"Of course we have fresh food! I'd like to think my staff wouldn't hold childish grudges and throw food like the children did," Dumbledore replied, glancing at McGonagall, who was slowly sliding her wand up her sleeve.

"Wonderful!" Falcon and Wolf sat down next to the Transfiguration professor and piled food onto their plates.

The students leaned forward in their seats. Finally, this was their chance to see the two mysterious men with their masks off.

Suddenly, Falcon pointed out into the entrance hall and screamed, "Ah! What's Filch doing with that cat?!"

Most of the student body spun the other way, and when they saw that nothing was there, they looked back in disappointment to see that they had somehow managed to eat all the food in those few seconds.

Hermione, one of the few who had recognized the trick for what it was, was still frustrated to have seen nothing but a blur before the food was gone.

"My goodness, how did you do that?" Dumbledore's quiet amazement barely reached her ears.

Wolf laughed softly, and Falcon answered, "Trade secret, my dear Headmaster," before lazily reclining back in his chair.

Many students glared up at him, and a few muttered under their breath. Falcon just snickered at their misfortune, not caring in the least.

Hermione just sighed. She had a bad feeling about Monday already.

* * *

**A/N:** So there it is. I actually had planned on doing something totally different, even so far as the middle of the chapter, but this food fight wrote itself, so I just left it. At least I have an idea for the next chapter now. Remember, contact me if you wouldn't mind beta-ing, and REVIEW!!!


	8. Helping the DA

**A/N: **-hides- Sorry I'm late? Heh. I'm going to say now that writing is not my top priority, but even so, if I take forever to update, I will not abandon this story.

QueenofQuill (and everyone else): Sasuke is Wolf and Naruto is Falcon. I'm sorry for any confusion, and I will explain the story behind how they are assigned their animals in a later chapter^^

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers. There were too many of y'all to list this time, which makes me very happy!

The location of the characters will decide the native language. So if they were in Europe, per say, it would be English, while in Konoha it would be Japanese.

"Blah" Native language. 'Thinking'

"_Blah_" Foreign language/letters. '_Thinking'_

"**Blah**" Demon/magical creature thoughts/words.

**

* * *

**

**"Helping" the D.A.**

* * *

Fawkes stood on his perch in the Headmaster's office, waiting for his human to come up after dinner. He was bored waiting all by himself, after all. Suddenly, the window to left sprang open and a… snake? That thing was a snake, wasn't it? Oh my. No snakes had legs and wings. Fawkes trilled anxiously. There hadn't been wyverns in Hogwarts for many centuries.

"**Quite, FireWing,"** the beast hissed. **"I am just making a quick delivery."**

Fawkes chirped and watched as the reptile regurgitated a scroll with runes painted along the side.

"**Tell your human that the shinobi here will need to open it for him," **was the last thing Fawkes heard as the wyvern gripped the window with its claws and flew away.

* * *

Sasuke and Naruto were wandering the halls during lunch the next day when a distressed Professor McGonagall rushed up to them.

"The Headmaster requires your presence. Now," she added when it looked like the two wouldn't be rushing off anytime soon.

"Right away, Minerva," Naruto smirked at her. "We live to please, after all." With a mocking bow, he and Sasuke jumped over the edge of the staircase, scaring some poor first years half to death. Sasuke chuckled under his breath. _"I never get tired of doing that. They're worse than Academy students after the first Jounin example. Remember when they had Anko and Gai during the same one? I think half the incoming students quit."_

Naruto scoffed._ "I don't blame them. If those two were the ones who said, 'Hey, watch us! We are who you'll be in a decade or so,' then I would have been scared silly." _

Nodding, Sasuke replied, _"But then again, Anko was the second exam proctor. I'm still not positive the higher-ups weren't trying to show all the other villages that we have some insane, sadistic Jounin too, and that they should be afraid."_

The two ANBU landed in front of the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office.

Sasuke glared at it. "Open."

With a shudder, it did. They went up and found Dumbledore examining one of Sasuke's summoning scrolls.

"Good day, my dear boys!" the old man greeted jovially. "You wouldn't happen to know what this is, would you?"

Naruto peered closer at it and whistled. "Dang, Sasuke. Your summons sure get around, don't they?"

"This one can fly, you dunce," he ignored the glare shot at him with practiced ease. "Besides, I wouldn't have trusted something of this importance to the hawks, no matter how well trained they are."

"Don't let them hear you say that. Some are really vicious."

Dumbledore look at them, bemused. "As fascinating as this is, would you mind telling me what exactly this is?"

Naruto pointed accusingly at Sasuke and stepped back a pace.

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke said, "It's your present. You remember; the one Naruto was all tongue-tied about a few days ago. We hadn't expected my summons to travel quite as fast as he did. We'll need to open it for you, however. Safety precaution. I'm sure you understand."

Dumbledore nodded sagely and gestured him forward. Sasuke removed a glove and picked up the scroll. When the Headmaster saw that he had bitten hard enough to draw blood, he stood up.

"You are not using Blood Magic, are you? That is highly dark, and most rituals are illegal."

Sasuke gave him a blank look. "I'm terribly sorry, Headmaster, but we don't have the same pesky ethics that you 'Light' wizards do. Every single jutsu that we have can be used for death and destruction, and summoning with blood is just another tool that we use. Do not forget that if the students in this school were shinobi, more than one-third of them would already be dead or crippled. We come from different worlds."

Dumbledore's eyes lost their twinkle. "You're right, and I apologize. I can't help but see you like some of the seventh years, even though I know you are different. Will you accept this old man's apology?"

Naruto jumped forward, "It's no biggie, Dumbledore. We understand that we're quite a bit different, and most civilians feel like you do." He nudged Sasuke, who proceeded to open the scroll.

Sasuke threw it on he ground, and with a burst of chakra and a cloud of smoke, two men were soon lying there.

* * *

Albus was struck speechless. He was positive both men on the ground were Death Eaters, and he was pretty sure at least one of them was dead. He looked up at the two ANBU. "Would you care to explain?"

They both straightened their backs at a posture of attention, and Naruto spoke, "We abducted these two Death Eaters as they were walking and impersonated them at their next meeting. After assuring that their master would be most displeased with their performance, we proceeded to obtain information from them. Unfortunately, Rookwood killed Pierce before we were able to learn much. We were able to convince Rookwood to tell as a little more with minimal effort on our parts."

Albus sighed. He would have to equip them with Veritaserum before things got out of hand and word reached the Prophet.

With a nod, Sasuke picked up where Naruto had left off. "I have a written copy of the information they gave us. There was some spell preventing Rookwood from telling me the location that Voldemort is currently at, but I was able to get an approximate count of the number of Death Eaters he has at his command, among other things." He placed another scroll on Dumbledore's desk. "If that is all you need, we will take our leave."

At Albus's nod, they both exchanged a quick glance before leaping through the open window. Albus just shook his head. Shinobi will be shinobi.

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke strolled through the grounds, looking for someone to torture—that is, talk to. They soon spied an opportunity in the form of the resident celebrity, Harry Potter. They exchanged evil smirks and changed their path. As they neared, they overheard the girl tag-along, whose name Naruto still hadn't bothered to learn, talking about their "secret" club out in the open again.

"Just use the galleons for tonight, Harry," she whispered. "Whoever can show up will."

Just as Potter was about to answer, Naruto snuck over and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump. Really, this was to one whom the wizarding world set their hopes on? They were sure in trouble.

"I couldn't help overhearing your conversation… again," he drawled. "Didn't we lecture you on this the last time we met?"

The girl looked down, ashamed, and muttered something that Naruto probably wasn't meant to hear. He just chuckled. "Just a word of warning so that nothing… untoward inconveniences you." He laughed even more when he heard them audibly gulp. He shook his head and made to turn away when the girl spoke up again, "Please, sir. We were wondering—That is, I was wondering, if you would come talk to the students tonight. It would probably be very inspiring."

Naruto mentally groaned. This girl would have gotten along great with Sakura. Naruto looked at Sasuke. He nodded curtly, and Naruto saw his Sharingan spinning wildly through the holes in the mask. An evil grin formed on his face. "While I am not very eloquent, I believe Sasuke has some words of wisdom that will benefit your little… study group. We will meet you in the Come-and-Go room tonight."

With those final words they left.

* * *

Ron gaped at Hermione. "Are you mental? They'll probably kill us all and leave our bodies hanging from the rafters!"

She sniffed at him, "You're being foolish, Ron. You have no way to prove they're the assassins you think they are."

"You don't understand! There are stories about people like them; people who appear only during times of war or great need and disappear as soon as peace is restored. It's a legend—"

"Exactly. A legend," Hermione interrupted. "Nothing more. Show me the facts before making more ridiculous allegations."

Ron grunted, but he was cautious about bringing up his next point, that of course she hadn't heard about it, it was a Pureblood thing. He decided to keep his mouth shut. Proof would come.

* * *

Naruto was almost bouncing in his steps as he walked alongside Sasuke. "Oooh, those little civilians are gonna get it!" he chortled. "What speech are you going to give them? The incoming ANBU one or the Chunin one?"

"I'm thinking a new speech is in order. I have a good plan for it now. I'll tweak it a bit, and then it should be perfect."

"Wonderful! In the mean time, I think darling Severus missed us." An unholy light entered both their eyes as the slipped into the shadows.

* * *

Severus Snape was not a happy man. The Dark Lord was livid at the lack of progress concerning the missing Death Eaters, one of which was his only spy in the Unspeakables. He transferred his anger to his minions, and it left Severus in a bad mood. To top it off, those cursed shinobi had returned. They brought nothing but trouble and seemed to enjoy getting under his skin nearly as much as Umbridge's.

He stalked into his classroom, wishing that he had the next period off. Second year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were nearly as bad as their counterparts. They both lacked spine, but the Hufflepuffs alone would be reduced to a quivering mess of tears by the end.

The bell rang, and with the arrival of the students came Severus's headache.

He flicked his wand at the board and growled, "Instructions are here. Try not to blow something up today."

Sitting down at his desk, he grabbed the fifth years' essays and pulled out his red ink with a vicious sneer. He never noticed the heavy feeling of doom that seemed to encompass the dungeons.

* * *

"_Hurry up, Naruto," _Sasuke mumbled. _"You don't have all day."_

"_Well, if someone would just stop nagging like a Genin kunoichi, I would be done already!"_

Sasuke snorted. Trust Naruto to be slow and patient with only one thing: his seals. If he didn't hurry, they'd get caught. Or rather, Naruto would. Sasuke would be high-tailing it out of there as soon as the first footsteps were heard.

Meanwhile, Naruto was still taking his time on the intricate patterns that were almost all around the door frame. It had been his idea, after all, to choose Snape as their next victim. After watching a few civilian cartoons while waiting for the Death Eater meeting, he had a perfectly acceptable prank for the surly potions master. Especially after hearing that he was called a "great greasy bat" by quite a few of the students…

Finally, Naruto stood up with a huge grin on his face. _"Finished! And in less time than you thought, worrywart." _

Sasuke rolled his eyes, not bothering to respond. He only grabbed Naruto by the back of his ANBU uniform and Flickered to the beams above.

Now they just had to wait for Snape to leave the classroom for lunch.

* * *

Ah, lunch. In Naruto's opinion, it was the best time of the day. Mainly because of the wonderful ramen the house elves prepared, but today there was even more to add to the excitement. He glanced to his right. Sasuke looked just as bored and apathetic as ever, but that was to the untrained eye. Naruto could see the way his fingers twitched every couple of minutes, and he had to refrain from cackling with glee. It wouldn't do to give away their part so soon.

Just as the anticipation became unbearable, the doors to the Great Hall slammed open, and in strode Snape. Huh. He didn't look too happy. Just because there was a _little_ bit of color on his normally all black robes wasn't that big of a deal, really. And if it was yellow, so what? I mean, the bat shape wasn't all that offending… Right?

* * *

Hermione could not believe her eyes. Who in their right minds would put The Professor Snape in _tights_ of all things? Not to mention the fact that any student with the tiniest inkling of Muggle background could make the connection. Some had already lost it, and not even Snape's patented "I will cut you up and use you for potions ingredients" glare could quell the laughter.

Suddenly, the Weasley twins stood up with wicked smiles on their faces. Hermione resisted the urge to cover her eyes. She glanced at the cylinders holding the house points, wondering if there would be any left at the end of lunch. She looked back at the twins just as they opened their mouths.

"Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na,** Batman**!"

Amidst the applause from the students, the two pranksters look a bow.

Even she could resist the urge to giggle at that point, never mind that Snape's glare went up to "I will hand you over to the Dark Lord with a smile" in intensity. His face twisted unpleasantly as he snarled out, "100 points from Gryffindor and detention with Filch for two weeks for insulting a professor." With that he turned on his heel and marched up to Dumbledore, trying to ignore the snickers that followed him caused by the Bat Signal on the back of his robes.

Hermione just sighed again. She just had a feeling that someone was going to die today.

* * *

Naruto had to grip the chair to keep from bouncing up and down. He must not give them away. It was imperative that he didn't. Must… Not… Laugh.

But then McGonagall had to go and ruin it, saying, "Merlin, Severus. It's not Halloween." A few students fell off the benches, and Dumbledore's cough sounded suspicious. But he would not give in! He was ANBU! They ate emotions for breakfast!

Naruto looked at Sasuke again, who was just as calm looking as before. Bastard. He turned his attention back to the irate professor.

"I want those two out of this castle!" he snarled at Dumbledore.

"But Sevvy," Naruto cried dramatically, "I thought we really had a connection!"

His sneer grew even more unpleasant, and he said, "Leave. This. Castle."

In true connection with their self-dubbed ANBU Telepathy, Sasuke tilted his head to the side and said evenly, "Make us."

The Hall fell silent in shock.

Naruto could tell Sasuke was smirking under his mask while Snape's mouth opened and closed a few times, no sound coming out.

"You… dare?" he whispered.

Before Naruto or Sasuke could respond, Dumbledore spoke up. "I'm sure it's not half as bad as it seems at first glance, Severus—"

"Not bad? No matter what spell I use, my clothes stay the same! No glamours or transfigurations work!" A bit of desperation leaked into his voice at the end.

"Oh dear," Dumbledore mumbled. However, his twinkling eyes revealed his true emotions. "I'm sure we can find a way to fix this."

Snape just glared, not convinced. "I still want them two," he pointed at Naruto and Sasuke, "out of here."

"But…but… why?" Naruto gasped innocently, gripping his hands at his heart in pain.

"Don't act innocent! I know you are behind this!"

Sasuke snorted. "How can you be so sure? Do you have any proof whatsoever?"

Snape just glowered.

Naruto grinned, "While being accused of crimes we did not commit is interesting and a great way to pass the time, we have some people and things to… relocate. I'm sure your wardrobe problem will be solved soon, Sevvy."

"Not to mention this is a great lesson in practicing constant vigilance," Sasuke ignored the way several students and a few teachers flinched, "and actually paying attention to your surroundings." That was accompanied by a rather purposeful glance at Potter and his two lackeys.

Snape started to protest, no doubt having some other non-convincing argument to get them kicked out, but he was too late. The two shinobi simply stepped into the shadows and disappeared.

"How do they _do_ that?" Weasley complained.

* * *

Harry looked around at the group gathered in the room of requirement. He hoped those two… people… wouldn't be late. The other students were already beginning to mutter amongst themselves.

Suddenly, a voice barked out, "CONSTANT VIGILENCE!" and several students jumped. One highly susceptible Hufflepuff even fainted.

"Hiya Potter!" the one with the falcon mask called with wave. "We heard the most _amusing _story of your last Defense professor."

Resisting the temptation to bang his head against the wall, Harry just nodded with a pained expression on his face and said, "I bet you did."

Wolf nodded sagely. "It seems that that will be the first point in my little lecture. Constant vigilance will keep you alive. Provided you don't try and seal— or ward, I suppose, for you wizards— anything too extravagant and end up blowing yourselves up. But those are just details," he waved a hand in a flippant manner. "There are many other important rules of survival and war I can tell you, even though that most of them don't fit into both categories."

Most students were already edging toward the door, but Falcon appeared before them. "Don't leave yet! Many people would kill to have this honor."

Harry wondered just how true that was.

"Anyways," Wolf continued, "one helpful piece of information that does help you survive and is helpful in warfare is the wonderful saying, 'You're no use to me dead.'"

He looked around at all the gaping faces.

Falcon laughed. "Man, we were better than that when we were told that by our captain."

"Cut them some slack. They are sheltered civilians."

A few Gryffindors looked indignant, but they remained silent. Harry was just wondering why he allowed Hermione to invite them, before he remembered she just asked them out of the blue. It would probably be a good idea to get them to leave before they scarred some people for life.

"Err… Thanks you two, but I think that's all we'll need to know," Harry said nervously.

Falcon cocked his head to the side, "Are you sure? We have a whole list of helpful and not-too-harmful tips to give you."

Even Hermione spoke up now, "I'm sure they're… inspirational, but I agree with Harry. Thank you for coming." She made a move as if to usher them to door, but then thought better of it.

"Suit yourself," Wolf shrugged. He and Falcon headed towards the door.

Students craned their necks to see what kind of unknown transportation they would use this time. Unfortunately for them, they both just calmly opened the door and walked away. A few sighs of disappointment mixed with relief were heard.

Harry just stood there. He blamed Hermione for everything right now. He truly did.

* * *

**A/N:** I apologize once again for the unreasonably long wait, but I hope the chapter was worth it! Leave a review^^


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